Achieving True Compatibility is Like Tandem Swimming
You know, I used to believe that finding the perfect match was the ultimate secret to a successful relationship. I clung to this idea for quite some time, and it probably contributed to my "player" persona back in the day. I'd assess compatibility based on various factors like shared interests, social status, and maturity levels.
Having some criteria to guide your search for "the one" isn't a bad thing at all. We all need some standards, right? But, I've come to realize that genuine, long-term compatibility involves much more than just a few commonalities and great initial chemistry.
In fact, if we want to get technical about it, we could even argue that real, long-term compatibility might not even exist. Here's why I say that: people change. We evolve and grow, whether we're in a relationship or not.
Incompatibility Could Mean Inability to Adapt to Growth
Couples who struggle to adapt to these changes in each other often label themselves as "incompatible" or believe they made a wrong choice. I bet you've had moments when you thought "this isn't the person I fell in love with" or "you seem like a stranger to me," especially during arguments or emotional times.
Were You Hiding the "True You" All Along?
It's easy to assume that your partner kept their true self hidden, leading to feelings of betrayal when you notice new traits or behaviors. But it could also be that these characteristics developed due to the environment they were exposed to, both inside and outside the relationship (like at work). Regardless of where these changes come from, both of you need to adapt and embrace your own transformations.
So, who should be the one to compromise more? Should it always be you? Absolutely not.
It should be a shared effort. As long as both of you understand that real compatibility involves dealing with shifts in personality and lifestyle, you should be okay.
Think of it as "tandem swimming" or holding hands while swimming. You either support each other to stay afloat and move forward by working together to be truly compatible, or you drag each other down by refusing to embrace change. In other words, it's about accepting that both you and your partner can "change" at any point in your relationship journey.