Evil Woobie

We all have our scent preferences, even have specific scents for particular occasions. For seduction, however, my weapon of choice has always been Hugo Boss, particularly the Deep Red scent for women. Here’s one instance that this perfume actually saved a potentially bad date.

The BF and I had a big fight back in college. It’s weird that I don’t remember the exact reason for it now, but it was bad enough for me to go to the ladies’ room of our school and vent out my frustration on … my pencil. I snapped the thing in one try because I was so pissed. Anyway, after my little outburst, I went out to face my equally pissed BF.

As we see each other so infrequently, I asked not to waste the time together and do something nice. Without words, I understood that he won’t go to a movie with me or do stuff that would require physical contact (because we were still, technically, in a fight!). So I asked to play billiards… safe and competitive enough, in that that we do not need to touch at all, and we can kick each other’s butts through the game.

We rented a spot at a billiards place and I went to the ladies’ room while he set the table. Changing into the extra party clothes that I always carry around, I put on some warpaint, splashed a liberal amount of my Hugo Boss perfume, uttered a sinister growl…. and I was ready for war.

Billiards is a sexy sport. One leans over the table to play, inadvertently flaunting the booties and the woobies to someone who’s watching. Most of all, I got to glare at him after a particularly good shot and do a little ramp walk directly in front of him so he can smell me. We are still at war, though, but I have learned early that when dealing with a sullen boyfriend, a girl needs to use all her God-given tools at her disposal. It’s either I beg or make him beg… for forgiveness, of course.

Maybe it’s the combination of my bad-ass sexy attire, my Deep Red scent and my trash-talking every time I nail the 8-ball (not to mention the Angelina Jolie-like way I held my beer) that got to him, but the whole thing worked! He held my hand after our last round of pool and hugged me. In retrospect, I think it’s the perfume, as he lingered way longer on my shoulder as we took a cab ride home.

Now, on to owning more essence de femme .
Hugo Boss has Julia Stegner fronting their campaign for ladies’ perfumes, and I’m proud to say that this blog post is also a part of it. Follow the link and grab some free samples, NOW.

This is for those who are in new relationships (first few months) and would like to get to know their new partners without being too obvious about it. Simple tips that you can do while in a date, talking on the phone, SMS or chatting online. Inspired by questions that I have been asked before, and situations that I directly mediated (we call it “naging tulay“, bridge, in Filipino), this is my general guide for all you would be lovers who want to get a glimpse of how the other person behaves, or is bound to behave in your future life as lovers.

Second guessing is not entirely bad. It is merely your impression or deductions of what is to be expected. It becomes a bad thing when you act upon your deductions without being sure, and assuming the worst. As long as you keep an open mind, give the other person a chance to get to know you (and vice versa) and smile a lot, you are starting your relationship on a positive note.

I. The Honeymoon Phase

When in a new relationship, relax. You have NOT suddenly been handed the weight of the world, so don’t act like it’s a humongous deal and you have to change the way you act, dress, behave and etc. Take advantage of this phase by unobtrusively observing how the other person tries to win you over.
This isn’t the time for drama or guilt trip or neediness. You are testing the waters and deciding whether to dive in and swim or to wear a life vest and just float around.

II. Take Note of Names and Places

He will not tell you everything in the beginning. This is particularly true for those who didn’t go through the ups and downs of an enduring friendship before hooking up as lovers. However, there are times when blabbing about nothing and everything (bound to happen if you communicate with each other daily for 20 hours minimum) becomes a good thing in relation to your quest to get to know him better.

Certain names and places will come up, and when they do, I advise you to just put down your nail file (if you file your nails as you speak with your BF for hours over the phone, like I do) and listen up. Suppress the urge to ask nosy questions for now, as there is plenty of time to do that later. For now, just remember how he said the names in relation to his story.

III. Throw a Curved Ball… Once.

So now you’re so into each other and a few months into the relationship. You have an outline of his personality, what he likes and dislikes, food choices and whatever else. It’s time to test the limits of his temper and how he will react to something that you do, which you think he might not like. Sometimes, our deductions of another person’s likes and dislikes are way off. There are certain issues that would really turn him off, and there are others that are ‘just barely tolerable’; hopefully, you know about these already. Use the latter rather than the former, so that it’s easier to apologize, say that you’ve learned your lesson, and that you won’t do it again.

If you haven’t read the The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, I suggest you do so. Taken positively, and used in a light and whimsical manner, the tips you will learn will make you more aware of the mind games that lovers play. Just remember the first thing I said, RELAX… and don’t let paranoia eat you.

You’re doing great together. A fun life, well-cared for children, healthy bickering, and comfortable living. What force on earth can destroy such a happy partnership? What to look out for? There are outside forces that come in like thieves in the night to destroy everything that we worked for.

Some of us have addictive behaviors. We may resent people noticing and will never admit it even to ourselves, but it’s undeniably there. It doesn’t mean that people with addictive problems don’t excel. On the contrary, most do. It depends on what they’re addicted to… some are addicted to work, success and making money.

Substance addiction will directly cause the loss of all the good things in a relationship. Being alert to the tell-tale signs and acting fast are just some of the things we can do to prevent it from destroying our lives. However, this is easier said than done, because the success of your efforts entirely depends on how willing the other person is to move away from his addiction.

Intuition plays a big role in finding out that a partner is getting progressively addicted to drugs. Behavioral changes, vague explanations, and resentment of talking about the subject are all symptoms. When found out, most drug addicts will never admit to being addicted. In fact, they will take measures to prevent you from ever thinking of their addiction as a threat to your relationship.

Watch out for these lines: “I’m a user but not an addict”, “it helps me relax”, “it’s just a hobby”

My heart sank when I learned that a high school sweetheart is a “user” (his word). When we were teen-dating during high school, his disposition was the definition of fun and gentleness. I looked out for him all throughout college, and went into a panic when I learned about his drug problem. He went to my dorm bringing his parents’ television set, asking me to lend him money in exchange for my using his TV. It’s never easy when someone you love goes under the influence of something so hungry that the victim (and those who care for him) can do nothing.

I did a backstab on that guy and he never found out it was me. I reported him anonymously to his parents and the police. He went to rehab screaming his lungs out that he’s not an addict. He called me a year later asking if I could accompany him to a car race as his cheerleader or muse. He was clean then, but addicted to racing. I went with him there bringing homemade pompoms.

Ambrosia Treatment Center commissioned this space for me to spread the message that Substance Abuse is treatable if you catch it early. Kill the relationship killer before it kills your relationship.

Happy Mother’s Day!

For this day, I’m going to be posting about one of the most fruitful relationship examples I know; that of parents! After all, these relationships bore fruits that are already walking the world spreading havoc and good cheer to everyone they meet, building enterprises and making the world run.

Stories on how these parents met and “hooked up” could only be the work of an other-wordly being who knew what he was doing. We all know him as Cupid, the proverbial cherubim who gets overstressed with work during Valentines. Cupid Strike is what I call that irrational moment when a person decides that the other person is The One. Some “The One” stories I heard are so downright cheesy to me, but for some unknown reason, the couples who experienced them find them so romantic.

Here’s an example of a Cupid Strike:

“This co-worker left a childhood photo face down on my desk. At the back was a note saying ‘this cute baby could be yours someday’ and his signature. I turned the photo over and right there staring at me was the cutest little blue-eyed boy in the world. I met him for lunch and said yes.”

My Cupid Theory

The moment I read about Spirit Guides (a.k.a. guardian angels), I was firmly convinced that the ol’ Cupid is a spirit guide. Whose spirit guide is he/she? The woman’s or the man’s? Neither.

Cupid is the couple’s yet unborn child’s guardian angel, who prayed and pleaded for the couple to be brought together somehow so that his ward can be born. So many songs are sang about being in a world full of strangers and finally meeting the ‘one’ through one particular medium or another. How two fated people could meet in this big big world is still an enigma. My belief is that it’s because of the cunning of an angel called Cupid.

Read more…

How did your first date go? is the question of the moment when, after what for you is the best date of your life, your friends pester you with queries on the date details. You are basking in the afterglow, feeling high and being 100% sure that he feels the same. But does he really?

The first date is a clean slate. What you make him feel on your first date will matter more than what he has heard about you from other people (the common friends who set you up), or what you told him through another medium (SMS or chat).

The first date could be the start of something better. If disastrous, however, it could be a closure of the whole ‘meeting-you’ affair. How do you make sure you are still on his mind after the date? Here are five simple measures to consider:

1. Make him look at your eyes - This means covering up any asset that distracts him. Granted, a nice, tasteful cleavage view can do wonders, but for the purpose of making him look at your face directly, hide it for now. Of course, some guys are really discreet when looking, and you barely notice how they stare. Just reserve the plunging V-line for the third date. (see the reference to the number 3 again?)

2. Do not blab - There are girls who love listening to their own voice, and I certainly can relate to this. However, if we talk long and deeply about the topic (sometimes without pausing to breathe), our dates might just fall asleep on us. Make him talk and don’t hog the conversation. If your goal is to let him realize how extensive your knowledge is about a topic, tell your story in concise but salient sentences. Intersperse the “What do you think?” every now and then to make him feel like he’s a part of the discussion.

3. Restrain your urge to discuss the movie, during the movie. This is my pet peeve, so forgive me if I am too harsh about the topic of talking while the movie is being played. First dates usually mean movie time. There are guys (and girls) that love to talk and talk during the movie.

I dated a guy who loved to read all the captions on the screen, including the director name, movie title, and names of the members of the production crew. I stared at him in disbelief for the duration of the tirade, but when he reached the “all rights reserved” part, i decided to put my foot down by saying “I can read, honey.”

I did date him a second time, but for some reason I just couldn’t bring myself to watch a movie with that guy again.

4. Consider his food preferences

You want to eat sushi, but he doesn’t eat sushi. He wants some burgers, but you don’t want to go to to a burger place. Ask him politely if he reserved a table in a restaurant. If he did not, suggest a ‘neutral’ place where you can have your first meal together. It should be a restaurant that serves food that you both like.

5. Say thank you. Regardless if you just had coffee together, or walked in the park, it is still his time that you took up. Thank him graciously and reward him with a subtle hand squeeze or a kiss.

About first date kisses. I have been asked before on how deeply one should kiss after a first date, or if it is proper to kiss at all. Kissing during a first date is not taboo in my book. In fact, it expresses one’s appreciation of time well spent. My recommendation for a first date kiss is this: all-lips, no tongue and should last about 5 seconds.

Remember that if you do the first date right, you’ll send him home thinking “I can’t wait to go home so I can call her.”

First of all, I want to thank those who sent in several topic suggestions via my contact page. And, those who sent in direct questions or are looking for solutions to their love problems, I really appreciate the trust. Much love!

While I answered the other questions directly, here are a few I reserved for posting here. I sort of expected that most of the questions will be about zodiac personalities and dating. This is also the long-deferred sequel to my ‘you ask, i answer’ series (first, second and third).

Q & A time!

If I ignore a pisces male will he be hurt?

If he cares enough, yes. Though it may seem like he ignored you first. Pisces males and females love to send out smokescreens for protection of what they really feel. This is the sign that’s the most difficult to read, and they can easily fool dense people. They take things way too personally when at the receiving end of pranks, but they play the best pranks themselves.

Will a Capricorn and Aries relationship work?

I have only seen this a few times; one romantic relationship and another, purely friendship. Capricorn babies the Aries, but breeds resentment when the scolding nature of Capricorn surfaces after a few months of being together. The good side of this union is that, when both realize that one is the other’s source of strength, they become codependent. I know that the term has a negative connotation, but it’s the most apt. Aries is the attention-seeking baby, and Capricorn needs someone to baby.

My wife hates me. What should I do?

Contrary to popular belief, hate is a good thing in relationships. Hate means strong feelings, lashing out, taking things by the balls and seeking revenge. Hate also means still caring about how the other person will react to your actions, and that he can still turn it around. Do the opposite of what she hates about you, and stick to the change of behavior for as long as you can. If she really feels hate for you, you’ll probably know why already (i.e. “you don’t love me!”). Do your best not to let the ‘hate’ turn to apathy, because by then it will be too late.

and the winner….

Which girl zodiac does not require foreplay?

All women require foreplay, in whatever form: actual touching and kissing, flirting over the phone or online, or the sexual tension that builds when you both know you like each other but pretend otherwise. Foreplay is anything that gets a girl thinking of sleeping with you; it creates fantasies and promises better things to come. Considering these statements, a guy must at least make an effort for the girl to feel it for him.

There you have it, a peek at the Tao of Woobie. If you have thought-provoking questions that you want me to tackle here in my blog or in private mail correspondence, you know where you can send it.