This is the first of two parts of my reply on the age-gap issue of a friend. He let me in on his affair with an older woman and I could not reply with a simple friendster message due to text constraints. This topic is relevant to the over-all theme of my blog, so here goes…

First up, we put the situation in perspective: the guy is 19 and the girl (woman) is in her mid-twenties. Not much of an age gap you say? Maybe. However, age-gap in context could also refer to the wide difference in experience… in their case, the guy is in college and is somewhat of a techie, while the girl is a professional working in a corporate setting. Girl recently broke up with her overbearing BF and has just started going out with friends. Guy meets girl through his classmate (the girl’s younger sister). They start dating. Sometimes the guy feels out of place when the girl is with her officemates, as he can’t really relate to what they’re talking about. He doesn’t mind coz he likes her. The girl says that she isn’t ready to commit. The guy waits.

What does love feel like?

I’m not going to judge the situation yet, but I am going to discuss the generalities of what makes a girl fall for a younger guy.

The Younger Guy

* … is not yet jaded. His ideas are fresh and naive. He hasn’t yet learned a lot to be overly judgemental. Relatively, he has been hurt less by relationships than you. He still wears his heart on his sleeve.
* … is sentimental and romantic. High school teaches us a certain type of boy-girl relationship. This is when we learn about monthsaries and flowers and chocolates… all the things that we consider “baduy” later on. The younger guy is much more closer to that stage in life than you are, hence he is more likely to follow the romantic dogma delineated by his peers.
* … is virile. No explanation necessary.

He looks at you like you’re the prettiest girl he has ever met. He listens to your opinions beautifully, as if all your ideas and “Me” stories are important stuff. His fits of jealousy are endearing and cute. The only thing that seems to really tick him off is when you remind him that he’s still somewhat of a kid. He doesn’t mind showing you affection and accepts yours graciously.

A situation I encountered recently led me to reminisce about stuff that are best forgotten. And the result of that introspection? This blog entry.

Consider this scenario.

You were so into a guy that you went through the trouble of getting to know him, spending time and effort in the process. It’s so sudden as you only met like yesterday, but you didn’t care. No one had to know anyway. Just you, and him. The way he looked and talked to you, it seemed like the feeling was mutual. Before you know it, you were jumping crazily into bed with him and your mind started churning its way towards the future for both of you. After what you thought was spectacular sex, you go home, take a shower and talk to your best friend on the phone about this wonderful, sexy guy you just went out with.

You wake up the next day feeling normal. You have a vague feeling of excitement about meeting the same guy again. One coffee date later, he still seemed nice, but somehow lacked the surreal aura that surrounded him that day when you made love. The more he stayed in contact with you, he seemed less and less like that gorgeous guy you met and more like someone you wouldn’t even bother befriending. The more you get to know him, the more you regret that you even wish you had that excuse. The sad truth is, you were in full control of your senses when you did it. No one coerced you into doing it, and that fact makes the mistake even harder to swallow. “Am I bitter?” you ask yourself. And your mind answers: “No, you’re not bitter, just stupid”… and you hang your head in shame. You try laughing about it, but all you really want to do is forget all about it.

Forgetting is easier if you never meet this guy again. But if he’s still around because you just happened to shit where you ate, then the morning-after syndrome will hound you for a long, long time.

Experiencing the morning after syndrome brings about this question:

What does love feel like?

After the first date?