Wedding Jokes | Evil Woobie

For some reason, some of my friends, who I haven’t been in close contact with for years decide that they can only entrust the title of “Maid of Honor” (or, Matron of Honor) to me. Traditionally, the MOH is a title given to the bride’s most loyal ally ever, and I guess all my incessant meddling with my friends’ most private affairs has been viewed more as loyalty than intrusion. At least, most of the time. *evil laugh*

Weddings have always brought out my inner diva. This time, I did not even bat an eyelash (whether fake or not) when the beauticians started pulling and spreading gook on my hair and face; and trimming my “geek’s eyebrows”. I was asked why I didn’t trim them regularly and I just smiled, but deep inside I’m saying “my monitor doesn’t really mind if I have bushy eyebrows or not”.

Here are some of the funnier things that happened during my best friend’s wedding:

1. The officiating priest almost lost his cool when during his sermon, the spotlight hit him directly on the face momentarily blinding him. He forgot where he left off in his speech after he paused for a few seconds to point menacingly at the photographer holding the light beam.

2. The garden reception was in a hard-to-find spot in the Fort Bonifacio building housing several wedding functions at the same time. Most of the guests excitedly entered the wrong wedding reception, and some even exchanged pleasantries with the guests there before realizing that it was not the reception they were supposed to be attending.

3. They assigned a pregnant girl (2 months) to emcee the festivities and she was doing quite well until the pre-baby hormones started kicking in. She has been standing on stage for a few hours and has barely touched her food. I guess we should have taken the hint when she announced “excuse my blunders, I’m just a bit dizzy and disoriented as pregnant females usually are.” One time, she shrilly screamed “Dance like you mean it or I will make this parlor game a lot harder for you!” to the hesitant participants of the wedding bouquet and garter toss. Everyone got too scared to argue.

4. The Matron of Honor (me) decided to inject fuel in her speech by drinking a few shots of alcohol prior to taking the microphone. Her weapon of choice was the hallucinogenic drink, Agwa, which momentarily induces elation and exuberance before sinking the drinker to a zombie-like state of drowsiness. She delivered an impassioned speech that left the audience emotional and weepy. A few minutes after her speech, she was seen sprawled on a couch sleeping soundly. (No, I am not going to post a photo of that one! haha)