The code among players around the world preaches about the number three as the closing number in any discussion on how many lovers a person had. Like, when some tactless friend or boyfriend gets nosy enough to rudely ask the question, a lady answers ‘three’ and that’s the end of it. It often goes hand in hand with the term ’safe answer’.

Whether or not it is accurate, the point is that the question itself is loaded and a mind game; and answering it will make him think, no matter what your answer is. To keep the peace, choose the safest answer.

But why? What’s behind this number three that gives it a seemingly universal power of warding off any form of judgment and further questions? Are there puzzle pieces that click into place when a person finds out that you dated only three people in total prior to your present relationship?

Let’s go on a theoretical tour of what goes on in a guy’s mind when a lady says she’s had only ‘three’ in her lifetime.

• So first was her high school puppy love who she’s now good friends with because he has recently embraced his gaydom. Second was her college sweetheart, who probably did not grow out of the good life as fast as she did. Third was the ‘ex’ she keeps talkin’ about. That’s the guy who she almost spent forever with, only he’s a jerk and so she left him for…. me, the real forever guy.
  

Maybe a guy won’t say it that way, but you see it? The number three gets justified according to the phases of a normal girl’s life when she was expected to have had at least one relationship. The number three makes her normal. The number three is the alpha and the omega of the “how-many” question. So, now that you know… how many lovers have you had?

My resources for giving out constructive advice on love, sex, dating and relationships:

• Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship
• He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (The Newly Expanded Edition)
• If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?: Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever
• Understanding Women: The Definitive Guide to Meeting, Dating and Dumping, if Necessary

This is my comment-reply to this post. It reached 3k-words by the time I was half-way through, so I’m turning it into a blog post. Bobby Rio and the rest of the crew over there at TSB have been consistent advertisers in my Project Wonderful ad spots, for which I am thankful. So, let’s give ‘em more reason to continue advertising, shall we?

First of, some definitions:

The Guy Player - is a guy who knows his worth and plays the game of relationships just because he has what other men don’t: choices. He has stuff (good looks, stable job or business, winning attitude, cash and a great personality) that make girls fall in love and compete with other girls for his attention.

You - a simple girl who knows her worth but realizes that some of the other girls after him are prettier and are more resourceful in catching his attention. He asks you out on a date and you feel like you’re the luckiest girl on earth. But you play it cool because he might never even call you again after.

How to Keep His Attention

1. Know when to call

I’ve played the hot-now-cold-later mind game a lot and it DOES work, even on the more hardened playboys. Usually, the guy expects the girl to call first, ask how he is and such, but when a girl doesn’t, he fidgets. Then, finally calls to ask “I thought you found me hot as hell, so what’s up, are you playing games with me?!?”. Err, yeah, buddy. But I didn’t tell him that.

I briefly tell him about feeling awkward after a date, and touch on (but never expounding on) the “morning-after syndrome“, which can be remedied by a non-sexual date, if he’s interested. A movie, coffee and some snacks, or a nice playstation round at a gaming cafe. I make him seriously promise to make the date as wholesome as possible so that we can get to know each other a bit, THEN proceed to flirt his brains out during that date. This drives him crazy because I made him promise to stay wholesome but act like I never intended to keep my end of the bargain. I remind him of his promise if he starts to get carried away.

2. Know when to pinch or burst (his ego)

It really depends on the guy who’s dishing the BS. First, I give him a look that says “yeah right” then assess how he reacts to it. If he looks sheepish-amused, I crank up the teasing; if he looks sheepish-ashamed, I pretend to believe him at first then gently point out how he must be mistaken. Busting an egotistic guy’s balls is a nice past time, but there’s a thin line between calling him out and being downright b*tchy. Remember, you’re only part-Man eater. Sometimes, you’re a gentle lass too.

3. Splitting the Bill -

I know he’s loaded and he probably has unlimited date money, but guys have needs just as girls do. Besides, if he protests, just hint that it’s your date too, and you have a say as to who pays. Also, secretly remind yourself about gifts with strings, and be sure to bring at least a couple of hundred bucks to cover a part of the date.

It’s be extremely considerate if a girl took charge of the financial technicalities during the date and suggested a split. He pays for the food, you pay for the movies. Note that you must make him pay for the more expensive thing so that he feels like he’s still paying for most of the date. It’s an ego thing.

4. If you really care, say it

Sincerely ask if he’s had dinner, then firmly insist that he grab some before you continue your phone conversation. Most men are slobs, so don’t hesitate to pick the litter when you find yourself tripping over them at his place. But you are not his mom so don’t scold him. Smilingly suggest that maybe you could just go to a nice sauna instead of making out at his pig-sty, so that he’ll at least arrange his bed before asking you to come over again.

Men, no matter how old they are, are boys at heart. They’re normally used to being told to clean their rooms, so your implying it won’t do much damage. In fact, it might even do the opposite.

- - - - - - -

I like guys like Bobby. In fact, some of my closest now-platonic guyfriends are exactly like him. I think the trick in snagging one for a hot and promising affair, then remaining friends for years and years, even after we broke up is this:

• Let him see that you will worship him and serve him like a king with doe-eyed wonder, but also let him realize that you will turn into a she-devil if he doesn’t treat you as an equal. Your decisions and opinions are just as important as his, and in time, he might even concede that you… are always right.

And yeah, these friends of mine still call me years after the affair just to say hi, and for threesome possibilities (”Gadamit, I have to experience a threesome at least once before I get married! Help meeeh!”). My answer is always this: “You know my taste, find a girl I’ll see as more gorgeous than me and we’ll get it on.”

Their replies are always the same “WTF, then that will just be you, me and a mirror! Nevermind.” My guyfriends know me all too well, eh?

• Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship
• He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (The Newly Expanded Edition)
• If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?: Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever
• Understanding Women: The Definitive Guide to Meeting, Dating and Dumping, if Necessary

“If you leave me, I’ll kill myself”

Have you heard these words before?

How did you react to them? I’ll tell you how I did… not well.

You see, I’ve seen self destruction in others and in myself. I saw people rise above it and make it. I’ve seen people who wallowed deeper in self-muck and never made it back.

To hear these words said to me is pure blackmail. I feel helpless, I feel bad… I feel constrained. Particularly if I care enough for that person.

No one has the right to push another to a corner battling with his or her conscience. This is the lowest of the lows. It’s pathetic.

What if he really does push through with it? Maybe the idea that he has someone he cares for at the other side waiting for judgment day for the rest to join him/her, and what if maybe he wants badly to join that person and just looking for a reason to do so?

How will I live with myself If he does kill himself because I left him alone in his depression?

It’s effin’ effective but equally mean. I wouldn’t stoop that low.

A person’s free will is weighed down by his guilt. No one is safe from emotional blackmailers. They should be avoided at all costs.