Once upon a time, a 16-year-old girl from a single gender Catholic school entered college with little or no knowledge about men, except the notions she learned from her hometown sweetheart and similarly inexperienced guy friends. When she and her hometown BF broke up because of the distance, she suddenly became aware that there was a sea of men in the city.

Friendly Dates: The Beginning

She got asked out by friends and friends of friends on apparently harmless snack and lunch dates. She never turned anyone down, because… well, they are just harmless chat dates where she got to know more about another person. Soon, she was having lunch with several sweet guys on different days. Until one of her well-meaning friends pointedly asked… “Do you really have FOUR boyfriends?!?”

Consulting the Dating Bible

“They’re not my boyfriends!” the girl answered defensively, “and those aren’t lovers’ dates, just friendly ones!”

However, once she was safe inside her dorm room, she consulted her ultimate dating resources at that time: Sweet Dreams and Sweet Valley High pocketbooks. Further analysis of the situations highlighted in her guide books made her heart sink: those snack times were indeed real dates, and it appears that she does have 4 boyfriends!

Coming Clean

She invited her new boyfriends to have lunch with her and all were shocked to find other guys there. She immediately confessed how she’s been seeing all of them and that she didn’t know that she was “on” with all of them already.

One guy stomped off without a word, one stayed a few minutes more to spitefully tell her “Playgirl!”… but weirdly enough, two of the guys stayed behind and started talking to each other about general things. She learned later that one of these two guys chose the gay lifestyle (a few years after the initial meeting), while the other guy remained her close friend.

What I Learned from this Experience

1. Some guys immediately claim exclusivity without really informing the girl. Like, it’s supposed to be a given when you have been seeing each other regularly already.

2. My previous idea of the start of a real relationship states that two people are only officially “on” when one or both profess love for each other (saying “i love you”)… apparently, not everyone thinks so.

3. Meditate long and hard about the meaning of the phrase “no strings attached,” and say the phrase at least once when someone asks you out on a friendly date. XD

Feedback needed: When do you consider another person your boyfriend or girlfriend? When does it start for you?