If I were to sum up the best flirting tips I have ever read, heard of, and heard directly from real natural-born flirts, they would amount to only one phrase: mixed signals. The push and pull, the hot and cold, the green and red lights, clues that he likes you.

You might have read somewhere that mixed signals are bad and that they confuse people, make them feel uncomfortable and such. You might even have received advice that you should never give mixed signals.

Yes, they do confuse, they get misinterpreted and they sometimes lead to trouble… but they also make it difficult for people to look away.

Here you will learn how to use nonverbal signs to express your appreciation; when NOT to give out mixed signals; and when to stop giving mixed signals.

The Tease - When ‘Maybe’ Means ‘Yes’

Coyness works in such a way that the guy can feel that you’re into him but you somewhat hesitate to tell him directly. This is cute to some men, particularly those who are also into you. In such cases, here are a few things that you can do to get the message across without actually putting them into words.

1. Eye Play - Some girls are like me; I simply cannot look directly for a long time at a crush, an ex I still have feelings for, or a guy who has already told me he likes me. When you keep your gaze away from his for a time then you suddenly look at him directly, you might cause his heart to skip a beat. Eyes are the windows to the soul and for sure, if you feel anything for him it will show in your eyes.

2. Footsie - You can be at the coffee shop talking about something as silly as the coffee flavors you have tried in the past, but when you start lightly touching his feet with yours, he will get the message (even if all he can talk about is still coffee flavors).

One warning: When dining with a group of people, like his relatives for example, do footsie cautiously. Or at least make sure that the foot you are touching is his, not his dad’s.

3. The Lingering Touch - A light touch on the shoulder or arm when you need to tell him something bland could linger for a few seconds and he will notice it. It’s better to say his name once before touching though, as many guys have developed the instinctive reflex of punching people who surprise them with a touch on the shoulder.

When to NOT send out mixed signals, and when to stop

Is he receptive?

Giving mixed signals should only be tried by girls who know the consequences that could occur when these prompts are taken badly. First, sense out your guy. Is he openly smiling? Does he seem like he’s open to flirting, or is he drinking alone in the bar facing the counter, chugging bottle after bottle of beer as if hops and malting barley will go extinct the next day? If he seems like he’s going to strangle anyone who disturbs his peace, stay away. If he is facing everyone with a bottle in his hand and actually checking you out, then that’s when you play coy.

Stop waving the red cape if he’s too clueless to notice (or he’s gay… and you’re clueless!)

Try a smile in his direction once, if he responds immediately, you can play your coy game. If he doesn’t, he could be ignoring it or really not interested in you. Do not repeat when he shows signs of cluelessness or negativity. Rejection mixed signals from guys are not uncommon, so do not wait for the real verbal rejection to come your way.

It’s almost impossible to delineate between gay and straight nowadays, particularly with the advent of the Metrosexuals (def: urban male with a strong aesthetic sense - source). If he’s not biting, check if he’s giving out signals of his own, signs that you can’t miss, and nonverbal actions that tell you, “girl, I am soo not your market”.