The latest Philippine showbiz news on the break up of Heart Evangelista (Love Ongpauco) and Jericho Rosales, dating for three years prior to their breakup this month, made waves all over the country. Their relationship is a good case study on ‘rich girl falls in love with a poor guy’, old money vs. new money, and other rich-poor cliches. That the girl sacrificed a lot for her boyfriend is obvious. She fought for him vs. her family, and turned a blind eye on rumors that he is womanizing… until… she caught him red handed.

Yep. This news is the inspiration for this post.

Here are some things that a guy might tell you if you catch him cheating:

1. It wasn’t me. - Some ancient smartass thought up the ‘deny deny deny’ golden-rule of sorts, which is so old, really. If you get caught, own up. You’re already a cheater anyway, why add Liar to the equation?
2. I’m not seriously into her. It’s just sex.
3. It was a prank, I’m just making you jealous.
4. She’s my cousin.

Familiar?

I. Fear of Being Alone

I was in a May-December affair at one point and the guy was way younger than me in age and maturity. I didn’t have any illusions that he will never cheat on me as I know how guys that age are still testing their wings. He was a smart one, but I caught him anyway. And, with my habit of asking directly, I demanded that he tell me an honest answer as to why he did it.

He said, “I am scared that if I only had one girlfriend, she’d leave me and I’d be lost. I want to be loved by many so that if one left me, I’ll still have another to love me.”

I wasn’t impressed, but it was honest enough that I forgave him. But, of course, i didn’t stay as a girlfriend, which brought about a horrendous tantrum…

I gave her up for you and you’re still leaving?!?
Oh, did you really expect me to stay?!?
Can we still be friends???
Of course, kiddo.

II. Variety

Some guys love variety. In fact, some others can’t live without it. Study his history. Did he have multiple girlfriends in the past? There’s an old adage that says “if he cheated with you, he will cheat on you”, and I find this to be true. That he loves you more than anyone else doesn’t ensure that he will never do it again, but you can always hope that he loves you enough not to act on his cravings. That part of him that craves variety is still there, the only difference is that maybe now he’s content to just look and fantasize. Which brings up the question….

• Why does my boyfriend stare at other women?

Out of curiosity, I asked my boyfriend this exact question when i caught him looking at a pretty girl from head to foot while we were malling. The urge to know suppressed any jealousy that I could have felt. He rewarded me with a straight answer, in appreciation of my not over-reacting.

“A man stares at a woman that way because he’s thinking of what she looks like naked. That’s just how men are.”

“What if she’s already naked?”, I asked, thinking of how guys stare for hours at adult magazines.

“Then he’s probably fantasizing about having sex with her.” was his calm reply.

III. Hormones or Emotions?

We have established that some guys cheat because of sexual reasons, and nothing more. But what if the reason is emotional? You know, this is the scary part. A guy could cheat (have sexual relations with another woman) because he finds comfort from her, which could tell you that you weren’t comforting enough. Other emotional reasons include support, caring, sweetness and “someone who listens”.

IV. Romance, Spontaneity and Adventure

That you snagged him away from the multitude of girls who are after him too shouldn’t make you feel complacent. Zero in on what got him into you in the first place, and keep it going… even when you’re married, even when you’re 65 years old.

V. Letting Go

If however, you feel that he will stray no matter what you do; that he will never give up his Casanova lifestyle even if you do your effin’ best for him all the time… then it’s time to consider moving on. But, only if you have already given it your best shot.

*sniff sniff*

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