Archive for Lovers Issues
Surviving a Break Up – How to Strengthen Your Resolve
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Breaking Up is Like Handing in Your Resignation Letter…
If you’re in the middle of a break up or if you’re thinking of breaking up with your partner, this article is for you. With this post, I hope I can help convince you that your feelings right now are NORMAL… that it’s not the end of the world (although it feels that way) … hang in there and last a year, THEN, talk about how you survived your break up.
End of June Last Year, I Quit My Job
I can’t believe that at this same date last year, I quit my relatively lucrative job in an outsourcing company because of stress (and because the blogs have finally shown profit), and a number of other things that I won’t mention here. The thing is, I’ve had it. It’s not worth the effort anymore…. and I was staying for the wrong reasons (I didn’t want to lose touch with my immediate superior and team mates, it’s my first real job so I was sentimental, I need the cash, etc.).
The fact is, if you’re not motivated anymore you’ll feel very tired even with the least amount of stress. And, that’s how it was when I finally decided to leave. Before sending my resignation letter, I was stressed and lonely, and miserable… but I was so scared of quitting because of FEAR.
It felt like there’s an angel with horns on my shoulder telling me that…
- I could be making a huge mistake and I could end up regretting it.
- I might never find something like it again.
- Maybe it’s just me? (i.e. the hardships are just inside my head and I just didn’t have the proper mind set to continue)
I’ve been there for 8 years so ending it was painful… to say the least. The funny thing is that all throughout my resignation, I kept feeling the same emotions that one would normally feel during a break up.
It’s Like Breaking Up!
- You’re losing something that has been with you for the longest time. You know you should be excited at the chance to find a new life, but right now, all you know is that you feel EMPTY.
- You share your experience with people, telling them your reasons… and secretly wishing they’d convince you that you’re doing the RIGHT thing.
- You’re this close –>| |<— to just going with the flow (again) and not pushing through with the break up.
- Every time you think about your past relationship, you feel a big fat thump inside your heart like it’s going to break anytime now.
Here’s What You Need to Do — Be Steadfast and Stick to Your Decisions
It’s not the memory of the love you had, but the LONGING for your past happiness that’s making you miserable. There’s a big difference. The memory is in the past, but missing your life back then is in the present, and you can’t ignore it… BUT you also cannot let that feeling weaken your resolve.
You know what else could weaken your resolve? Bitterness.
If you keep hating your ex, and you can’t forgive yourself for being so weak and/or so giving … you’re subconsciously increasing that feeling of longing… and you end up mistaking it for Love.If you stay bitter, you not only trick yourself into thinking you’re wrong for ending it, you also make yourself vulnerable to slipping back to the same routine (fighting, blaming… and eventually, giving up).
Look at the Bright Side
Say “at least I’ll have more time for myself, to spend with friends, my music, my art, my hobbies… etc.” at least once a day. It’s not much but it’s going to give you a direction (at least for that day). Do this daily for a year and you’ll soon find out that you SURVIVED!
Advice for Couples – Do Not Fight During Meal Time
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First of all, this is not an etiquette post. I mean, yes I know that every mealtime should be a celebration or a feast and food should not at all be disrespected because it’s something sacred… but BESIDES THAT…
Couples should not fight during mealtime because:
- Everything, even the smallest issue, gets blown up when you fight without proper nourishment.
- Tension causes tummy ache and you have to deal with *that feeling* while you’re exchanging words (so you have to deal with physical pain on top of the emotional pain you’re already experiencing).
- You’d look really annoyingly fugly when you munch with tears running down your face (seriously). Worse, you might tense up, bite your spoon and hurt yourself.
The reason I brought this up is because I saw this again first hand while I, Libra Guy and our son were on our way to dinner (in celebration of Father’s Day… we didn’t want to mingle with the crowd on the actual date).
I noticed at once how a couple nearby met for dinner, got into a fight and started bickering quietly. Of course, their body language showed how they couldn’t bear to eat with each other so they left soon without touching the food.
It’s a sad sight, but on the other hand…. What if dinner time is all you have?
I know couples arrange to “meet for dinner” whether or not they’re going to be discussing issues. It’s almost a given… have dinner together and spend the small amount of time you can spare after work discussing things while celebrating the bounty of life nicely prepared inside small serving dishes.
But you know what… I think dinner together when there are ill feelings between the two of you is a BAD idea.
This situation forces you to face someone you don’t want to talk to . You have that nagging feeling that there’s just something so wrong with eating dinner together when you’re not at all comfortable with the vibe between you and your partner.
And, most of all, everything on the table will taste like cardboard because your mind will be too busy thinking of your situation and will be unable to comprehend what ‘delicious expensive food’ means exactly.
So here it is… If you and your significant other are hostile at the moment…
1. Grab a protein bar before your battle or date so you can skip dinner completely. If you’re feeling generous, grab another one for your partner (as a peace offering)
2. Agree to be absolutely pleasant during dinner and for an hour after dinner, before you start discussing things. Think of dinner as your “small talk moment” when you discuss everything but your issues.
With any luck, you will soon be dining together happily and your issues will get settled without trying too hard to fix things. Believe me — there’s nothing that a sweet romantic dinner and a playful footsie under the table won’t cure.
Advice for Heartbroken Lovefools – Letting Go
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When can you be called a Heartbroken Lovefool? Find out if you’ve been a fool for love by honestly answering the following questions.
When your relationship ended, did you…
- make your ex’s life a living hell by pestering him or her all the time?
- convince your friends to join your ‘campaign’ and help you get your ex back?
- drink to forget, then ended up calling your ex anyway (just because ‘you didn’t know what you were doing’)?
- drink to force your ex to feel guilty?
- beg?
I know the feeling. I’ve been in one of these ruts at one point and it sucks.
The thing is, you will only realize you’ve been a ‘lovefool’ after you get over the person completely. While you’re in the throes of this so-called foolishness, your perception of the things you do to get your ex back is compromised.
What you’re really doing is prolonging the inevitable… You do these things because you’re secretly convinced that as long as you’re doing something to get your ex back, you’re keeping yourself from bursting. Yes, keeping this up is for YOUR SAKE not for the sake of your relationship.
If you really want to increase the likelihood of your ex coming back to you, you have to learn how to let go.
You have to understand why people run away from messy situations. They just want some peace and quiet; or they just want to recuperate from emotional turmoil. Making your ex feel that he or she will have to endure this drama for a long time in your company will only make the need for some peace and quiet stronger.
If you let go… if you respect your ex’s decision to break up, you’re giving yourself the breathing room you need. Moreover, you’re giving your ex the chance to see your relationship in retrospect.
Letting go bespeaks maturity and emotional stability.
If you can be brave enough to face the future without your partner, you will become more attractive to your ex. It’s not about giving up, it’s about proving to yourself that you are way above the self destructive ditch, and you value yourself more than your pride.
Here’s the secret to getting your ex back for good. Make him or her want to come back without prodding. And, this will only happen if your ex sees something that’s worth coming back to.
Dating Mind Games: Dating Rules and Why We Follow Them
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On this post we will talk about some Rules in Dating. You probably know most of these rules, like…
- Always text back when I send you an SMS, within the hour so I don’t have to wait.
- No going out with other people on weekdays.
- If you really love me, you will introduce me to your friends and family.
- Call me when you get home every single day.
- Roses and flowers on Valentine’s, if you really care.
- We should do something nice on our monthsary.
And the most PROFOUND of the dating rules …
- He should be the one to pay for dinner and movies, right?
- He should be the one to call first.
- If he kisses you on your first date, he thinks you’re “easy”.
- If he buys you a ring on your first date, you think he’s “easy”
- You should have a fortune to be able to date a girl
- Asking “What are we exactly? Are we lovers or are we just friends? You have to decide what we are soon or I am so gone.”
- Do not ever forget the THREE-DAY RULE
As soon as we start dating, we get to know these rules, and we can decide whether we want to follow them or not. Unless our partners deem us “unworthy” to date them if we don’t abide by these rules, we are more or less free to break them.
The question is, why do we even bother to make these rules up? There are some guys and gals who can’t go through a date without mentioning at least one of these rules, and most of the time they do this to impose their authority on the other person.
Guys want to make the girl feel that he’s the dominant one in the relationship. The girl wants to make it clear to the guy that she’s not a pushover and she won’t tolerate a man who doesn’t have a high regard of her opinion.
Note to girls: If you want to know more about these dating issues, I suggest you check out Christian C’s free tips for making a guy commit to you.
Note to guys: If you want to attract the best girls without acting like a pushover, David D’s free dating tips are for you.
More Reasons
Are there more reasons why people follow these rules, no matter how ridiculous some are? You bet. Here are some of the reasons I have encountered …
- Not wanting to seem too desperate (e.g. the three day rule: call only after 3 days so she won’t think you’re “too eager” to date her)
- Not wanting to mess things up by resisting (e.g. “My girlfriend doesn’t want me to go out tonight, sorry. She might break up with me if I go against her wishes.”)
- Not wanting drama and tears (e.g. “FINE. Let’s date on Valentine’s, even if we have to stay inside the waiting area of that restaurant for 4 hours.”)
- Wanting the other person to feel our presence in his or her life
Not all rules are bad, some are even good for the relationship. It all depends on your motives for putting up those rules. For instance, you don’t want him to go out on weekends because he always wakes up late the next day and his boss is threatening to fire him if he does it again. Or, she commutes to work and you can’t sleep until you know she’s safely home.
The Three-Day Rule
But some rules are really funny… like the 3 day rule. Here’s how it works:
A guy and a girl meet for the first time and exchange cell phone numbers. Regardless of the fun they had during their meeting, they refuse to call each other the next day or after two days… they call each other on the third day, instead. Why?
- Calling on the first day means being “too desperate” to date the other person.
- Calling on the second day will mean you didn’t make the other person miss you.
- Calling on the third day is “just right” because you are sure that he or she already misses you, is thinking of why you’re not calling yet, and will now be ready to call you if you don’t.
Why can’t we just date in a more “natural” manner?
During college, I studied ecology, as well as the mating of plants and animals. Did you know that flowers in a garden will release all the most wondrous extracts and scents just to make bees and pollinators visit them first? Did you know that animals will out-do each other “singing”, barking or roaring so that they can call potential partners during mating season?
These dating rules are human nuances invented to morph and twist the natural way of “mating”. If we don’t let these rules take over our dating behaviors, we can simply let “nature” take over and be happier somewhat.
:D Have a nice day!
Annual Blog Event: My Valentines-Birthday Celebration!
Posted by: | CommentsMy Ultimate Birthday Event! Anyone who has a blog or is just starting a blog, and who has a Twitter account can join!
There are no long “story posts” involved this time. And this runs til march 13th. Winners will be announced on March 14.
Here are the Rules
1. Choose One Prize
- A domain name of your choice
- This domain: teensonlinemoney.com.
- Banner space and 125×125 px Banner Design (details here)
- Man Transformation Retreat Inner Game Book, (details here)
- Female Big-O Blackbook (full version of this book.)
- A Tarot Deck (The Rider-Waite Tarot Deck
) + Tarot Guide
- Body Language Guide for Girls
- Collection of Naughty Stories (details here)
2. Post about your choice in this format
“This is my entry to the Annual Blog Event at Evil Woobie’s Love Advice blog. Among the prizes, I want to win this ____ because ________.
3. Mention my friends
“Here are the people who contributed to the Blog Event… Buraot | Entrecard: the best way to build blog traffic | TSBMag: What Your Dad Left Out | Hidden Phone Secrets | Female Big O Secrets.
4. All entries will be qualified to join the raffle. We are raffling off the following:
$50 in cold cash, (details )
100,000 Entrecard Credits, (Learn about this prize here).
5. Follow me on Twitter http://www.twitter.com/evilwoobie
6. Twitter this line
“I joined Evil Woobie’s Contest … http://www.evilwoobie.com/2009/01/15/annual-blog-event-my-valentines-birthday-celebration/”
7. Post here with a link to your blog post entry
And, you’re done!
No Blog Yet? No Problem!
- Open a Gmail account and create your blog at blogger.com (your contest entry can be your first blogpost)
- As soon as you have 15 quality posts on your blog, you will be included in the list of valid contestants.
For questions, comments or suggestions… please send me an email via my contact page.
Important
1. Please only mention your choice, your reason and the sponsors as specified in the format I asked. There’s no need to copy and paste everything.
Read More Evil Woobie Articles
Life Begins at 30-Something and The Contest Winners
Contest Update: You Have Until March 13 to Join My Birthday Contest
Win $50 Hosting Cash, A FREE Domain Name, and A Domain I Own
Join My Contest and Get 100,000 Entrecard Credits from Graham Langdon
