What if He Had a Gay Lover?

One of the things that make a woman toss and turn at night is infidelity. Several what-if scenarios come to mind, but the mother of all infidelity nightmares is this… your man having a gay lover, whether in the past or in the future.

But is it really that bad? It’s not so bad. The concept of homosexuality is not uncommon, but few people understand how a heterosexual man could go for another of his kind when there are women around. Some people shrug it off as being bisexual, a slave to passion (and pleasure), or “having no other choice”. I think it goes deeper than that.

Bestfriend Moments

As girls, we have best gal pals we can run to for advice or for company whenever we want. Men have those, too. In fact, it’s safe to say that men understand each other and know how to deal with hang ups together just like girls. They have their “bestfriend moments” and sometimes things go deeper.

Don’t Force the Regret on Him

What I’m saying is that your boyfriend may not be living with regret at having been in love with a guy in the past, and your role is not to force the regret on him. In fact, be open-minded enough to treat his past relationship with a man (I’m not saying “gay guy”… a “man”) as something that’s special to him.

The whole homophobic world may have judged him over it already, so don’t add to it by saying “are you the gay one or was he the gay one” like it’s a bad thing. If the experience was special to him, it shouldn’t be something that he has to be ashamed of.

Will He Ever Do it Again (with a Man)?

This is the same as asking “is he gay because he had a gay lover”? The correct answer to that is up for debate, but my position on that has something to do with my definition of what ‘universal love’ is. Let me explain…

Out of curiosity, I asked an open-minded guy once about falling in love with another man. He said, “if a person makes me feel special and I can be myself around that person, I won’t take his being a man against him”. What we can get from that is we can fall in love with someone for various reasons, and the matter of gender only becomes an issue if we take what society (and religion) mandates seriously.

In conclusion, people fall in love with people. It’s not all about sexual preference. Most of the time, it’s about emotional compatibility. Love, the universal, all-encompassing type, is a beautiful thing that can happen between two individuals. It shouldn’t be boxed up into categories like “homo” and “hetero”.