Getting Dumped and Being a Good Sport About It

I grew up listening to a coach lecturing me daily about sportsmanship, yet I still find myself wondering how I can go from saying “give it your all” over and over inside my head, to saying “hey, congratulations, you’re the better player” when the competition ends and I didn’t win.

“But this has to be how you handle a loss”, says the coach to the sixth grader who refuses to go to school because she lost the school elections the other day, “You have to stand up, shake your opponent’s hand and stay optimistic for the next competition. If you don’t consider yourself a winner after you’ve given it your all, then you really have lost.”

Sorry, dad, but even as I nodded in agreement and prepared a speech to congratulate the winner… I still plotted bloody torture behind my smile! Needless to say, I never learned how to be a good sport until I began playing the Game of Love (i.e. started having lovey-dovey relationships with the opposite sex).

That’s when I really learned something about being a good sport….

You know about the 4 stages of grieving, right? Denial, anger, bitterness and acceptance…

You have to go through all these after you learn that something you have worked so hard for is gone. And you have to do it in ONE minute.

Consider this scenario…

Your ex: “We’re over”
You: “…”
(one minute passes)
Your ex: “sorry”
You: “Sure, no hard feelings. Friends?”

Ideally, that’s what’s supposed to happen. Somehow you have to put a lid on your anger and bitterness, and show the other person that you’re fine with the decision, you’re not mad, you gave it your best shot but sadly it didn’t work out etc.

You have to delay your “anger reflex” to be a good sport.

Let’s face it. You get angry when you lose; angry at yourself, at the other person, at fate… You are so mad that you can chomp down on a pencil and break it.

The same thing happens when you get dumped. You want to scream out your frustration and let all your emotions roll out like Pandora’s socks. But you don’t because you must show your ex that you’re fine, you’ll be fine, you’re not going to fly off the handle, and that you’re a good sport about the whole break up thing.

Simply put, you must LIE to your ex and to yourself until you’re all alone and no one can see you bawl your eyes out

Lying is bad. Lying is more than bad, it’s evil.

But if you have to lie to save your pride while you’re picking up the pieces of your shattered heart, it may be worth it. In a sense, being a good sport after a break up means lying through your teeth about your real feelings and making your next words seem believable (or at the very least, civil).

Here’s another cliche for you to flood your brain with during the break up: “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” (Alfred Lord Tennyson)