Real Freedom: How to Break Up With Your Ex
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If this were a conventional post on break ups, the title would be something like “how to break up with a boyfriend”… but no, this is all about breaking up with an Ex-boyfriend, a.k.a. the final stage of letting go. Read on…
Losing a relationship means you’re dealing with TWO break ups… one that happens between you and your boyfriend, and one that happens inside your head.
The first one might have happened, but you could still be miles away from the second. Here are some questions to help you figure out if you’re in your “second” break up stage…
- Years or months after a relationship, are you still yearning for the guy you split with, regardless of who initiated the break up?
- Do you measure each guy you meet according to the standards set by your ex?
- Are you totally convinced that “you will never find someone as wonderful as your ex-boyfriend”?
If your answer to the above questions amounts to a resounding “yes”, here are some ideas on how you can finally break free from the chains that bind you to your now-defunct relationship.
1. Accept that you will always have a girly crush on your ex.
You are grieving, sure, but this doesn’t mean you have to repeat the mantra you’ve been telling yourself for years… “he is the only one for me”. Doing this will really mess up your resolve to let go. Inadvertently, you’re training yourself to continue to long for him. It’s way too easy to mistake infatuation or hero worship for true love. If you hooked up with a guy who has everything you wanted (or, thought you wanted) in a guy, but the relationship did not work out, you can keep the admiration but let go of the illusion that you’re meant to be.
With any luck, you can soon walk up to him and say “you’re so hot, I’m so proud to be your ex” and mean it.
2. Do not put him on a pedestal.
The fact is, he isn’t a demigod. It’s just that you were never exposed to his weaknesses. That your relationship didn’t flourish means you never reached that point in which you and your guy can open up all aspects of your respective personalities to each other. Longing for him means you miss his company, which is normal. However, making him the epitome of the perfect guy could be the one thing that’s keeping you from living your life to the fullest.
3 Comments
October 15th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Hmm. I will write a post similar to this haha! Very Interesting
Semidoppel´s last blog ..Big Brother’s Bad Move!
October 19th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
I am glad i am not that jealous type now when I got married. During my college days I was easily get jealous when my ex will go out with somebody(whether a girl friend or classmates) but I think and I feel that I had a basis for my jealousy. He was been unfaithful to me. Now that you shared this with us, I think it is a part of being insecure because I am not a good looking woman. In fact at that time I considered myself below average. But now everything has changed when I found he love of my life, my husband. I also feel secure both in material things and his feelings towards me. Thanks for sharing this very nice post.
October 20th, 2009 at 2:15 am
Losing a relationship means you’re dealing with TWO break ups… one that happens between you and your significant other, and one that happens inside your head.
I agree with this, but what about the first break up that occurs in your head and the second that sometimes doesn’t come until months later between you and your significant other. Many times we know the relationship has run it’s course and things are not good anymore. We have a hard time walking away because of all the time and energy we’ve put into the relationship.
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