How to Stop Being a Jealous, Paranoid Girlfriend

The last Entourage episode gave me the creeps. In particular, the break up scene when Eric called his gf (now ex-GF) crazy for asking to look at his emails, viewing his phone call history and listening to his voice mail. The whole scene… from the time the girl accused her BF of infidelity without any solid evidence, to the scene when she said “you’re a liar” when the guy has been nothing but sincere with her.

Why was I creeped out? Because at one point in the past, I was like that. Yep, the green-eyed monster reared its ugly head whenever a boyfriend would so much as look at another girl. I was told I have a scary “angry-stare”, and I know a few girls who might have felt like I wanted to maul them when they so much as touch the tip of my boyfriend’s fingernail.

This post is all about how I moved out from the crazy, jealous, paranoid girl mentality to a somewhat-secure, still-crazy, mature woman.

Is it really all about insecurity?

It’s easy to say a jealous girlfriend has a lot of insecurities inside her skull which contributes to her paranoia, but I think there’s another factor involved… relationship experience.

You’re bound to be the jealous type if your old boyfriend was very jealous. Let’s face it, no one really knows how to make a relationship work on the first try, and we somehow rely on our partner to help us establish a relationship pattern. I mean, you put together an idea of what a ‘perfect relationship’ should be based on what you experienced in the past. Your friends might also have contributed to your notion of how to run relationships. Girls share what they know with their gal pals and they learn the ropes together. It’s like the blind leading the blind until someone actually stumbles on some golden nuggets of relationship advice.

How to Stop Being a Crazy, Paranoid Girlfriend During the Initial Stages of Your Relationship? – Two Suggestions

1. Give Him a “Grace Period”

It will take a while before the ‘couple’ switch in his brain activates, so it won’t do any good to force him to change instantly. Some men won’t instantly change his lifestyle just because they have a girlfriend.

If you begin your dating life with the thought that your partner SHOULD automatically shut off other women from his life just because he already has a girlfriend, you’re setting yourself up for a heartbreak every time reality tells you this is not the case. He may still go out with his friends to meet women, still flirt with his hot office mate and still go to places where single men hang out. If you get jealous every time one or all of these things happen, your first months together will become very rocky and stressful.

2. Value His Privacy

Reading someone else’s mail is a no-no, even if that guy is your boyfriend and you’re only glancing at his mail. Some couples exchange email passwords to show that they trust each other… bad idea. My wake up call came when Libra Guy told me in his usual no-nonsense way that giving his heart to me does not mean he no longer has the right to his own privacy.

Even if you don’t mind showing your mail to your boyfriend, don’t ask to see his. To most men (and to most people), getting their mail opened by another person is the psychological equivalent of another person wearing their undies without permission or another person watching them while they do their business inside the toilet.

One last thing…. being paranoid or jealous is STRESSFUL, which won’t do anything for your looks. So, quit.