Dating Mind Games: Dating Rules and Why We Follow Them

On this post we will talk about some Rules in Dating.  You probably know most of these rules, like…

• Always text back when I send you an SMS, within the hour so I don’t have to wait.
• No going out with other people on weekdays.
• If you really love me, you will introduce me to your friends and family.
• Call me when you get home every single day.
• Roses and flowers on Valentine’s, if you really care.
• We should do something nice on our monthsary.

And the most PROFOUND of the dating rules …

• He should be the one to pay for dinner and movies, right?
• He should be the one to call first.
• If  he kisses you on your first date, he thinks you’re “easy”.
• If he buys you a ring on your first date, you think he’s “easy”
• You should have a fortune to be able to date a girl
• Asking “What are we exactly? Are we lovers or are we just friends? You have to decide what we are soon or I am so gone.”
• Do not ever forget the THREE-DAY RULE

As soon as we start dating, we get to know these rules, and we can decide whether we want to follow them or not. Unless our partners deem us “unworthy” to date them if we don’t abide by these rules, we are more or less free to break them.

The question is, why do we even bother to make these rules up? There are some guys and gals who can’t go through a date without mentioning at least one of these rules, and most of the time they do this to impose their authority on the other person.

Guys want to make the girl feel that he’s the dominant one in the relationship. The girl wants to make it clear to the guy that she’s not a pushover and she won’t tolerate a man who doesn’t have a high regard of her opinion.

Note to girls: If you want to know more about these dating issues, I suggest you check out  Christian C’s  free tips for making a guy commit to you.

Note to guys: If you want to attract the best girls without acting like a pushover, David D’s free dating tips are for you.

More Reasons

Are there more reasons why people follow these rules, no matter how ridiculous some are? You bet. Here are some of  the reasons I have encountered …

• Not wanting to seem too desperate (e.g. the three day rule: call only after 3 days so she won’t think you’re “too eager” to date her)

• Not wanting to mess things up by resisting (e.g. “My girlfriend doesn’t want me to go out tonight, sorry. She might break up with me if I go against her wishes.”)

• Not wanting drama and tears (e.g. “FINE. Let’s date on Valentine’s, even if we have to stay inside the waiting area of that restaurant for 4 hours.”)

• Wanting the other person to feel our presence in his or her life

Not all rules are bad, some are even good for the relationship. It all depends on your motives for putting up those rules. For instance, you don’t want him to go out on weekends because he always wakes up late the next day and his boss is threatening to fire him if he does it again. Or, she commutes to work and you can’t sleep until you know she’s safely home.

The Three-Day Rule

But some rules are really funny… like the 3 day rule. Here’s how it works:

A guy and a girl meet for the first time and exchange cell phone numbers. Regardless of the fun they had during their meeting, they refuse to call each other the next day or after two days… they call each other on the third day, instead. Why?

• Calling on the first day means being “too desperate” to date the other person.
• Calling on the second day will mean you didn’t make the other person miss you.
• Calling on the third day is “just right” because you are sure that he or she already misses you, is thinking of why you’re not calling yet, and will now be ready to call you if you don’t.

Why can’t we just date in a more “natural” manner?

During college, I studied ecology, as well as the mating of plants and animals. Did you know that flowers in a garden will release all the most wondrous extracts and scents just to make bees and pollinators visit them first? Did you know that animals will out-do each other “singing”, barking or roaring  so that they can call potential partners during mating season?

These dating rules are human nuances invented to morph and twist the natural way of “mating”. If we don’t let these rules take over our dating behaviors, we can simply let “nature” take over and be happier somewhat.

Have a nice day!