Single Girl Behavior: When to be “Too Forward” and When to Play it Cool

Part of the dilemma of being a single and aging girl (whether in denial or not) is the issue of being too available. No one wants to come off as too desperate, too forward and too clingy.

Whether you’re trying to understand your boyfriend or you’re trying to find your soul mate, you need to act now before all the good ones are taken.Not being aggressive enough is hurting our chances of snagging the good ones before they’re all gone. So when does a girl need to be aggressive, and when does she need to play it cool?

Part I: Be Aggressive

If you’re in a place where you must state your intentions ASAP, you should know better than to play coy.

Speed Dating

I went with a girl friend once to a speed dating stint and she simply sat there and chatted away without making it clear that she joined the whole dating shennanigan to find a boyfriend, not a one night stand.Men won’t automatically assume that you want a serious relationship, and quite a lot of them will hope that you’re all for an open relationship (i.e. you can date other people).

When there’s a need to weed out the players from your list of potentials, you must make it clear that you are not playing games ASAP. A subtle way of stating this is by talking about your plans for the future, e.g. “I hope to build a family three years from now so my ideal relationship is something that will lead to that”.

Alternatively, if you’re dating to play games, have fun and simply be ‘in the moment’, then you’d better state clearly that you’re not ready for a committed relationship but you’re willing to go out.

Online Dating

Similarly, an online dating page is not the place to be shy. Joining one means being subjected to the hassle of building a dating profile. Well, your profile page is there for a reason. It’s there so that people will find out what you’re all about. Be aggressive when building your profile. Do not be too vague about your intentions. If your profile now reads like this “Looking for friends”, then you can simply add another line to it to make it more specific, “Looking for friends who are serious about finding true love”.

Important: Take note of the nature of the dating site you are joining. Some won’t even have to ask what it is you want from a relationship if you joined a dating site that has “quickee love” as an over all theme.

Your aim must be to state your intentions clearly to not to bother with those you don’t want to waste your time on.

Part II: Play it Cool

Let’s say you managed to find someone that roughly fits the bill. Maybe he showed signs of wanting more from a relationship than the proverbial tumble. When you start dating as friends, you must play it cool to avoid putting pressure on your relationship.

Men, no matter how dense some of them are, will always remember what you said initially about your expectations. If you expressed your intention of working towards a committed relationship with him, believe me, he will keep that in mind.

Being clingy and reminding him FREQUENTLY about your goals together will freak him out (or anyone for that matter). Don’t be in his face all the time about the status of your relationship, give yourself and him the breathing room that you need to really prepare for the future.