Playing the Game of Love: How NOT to Fall in Love with a Fling
I have always believed in being on the same page with a guy when it comes to the status of a relationship. I’m sure a lot of women will agree that it’s easy enough to say yes when the conditions are all set and the guy is nice enough for a “for the moment” affair. At the onset, we firmly believe that we can handle that intense, temporary bout with insanity called… a fling.
A fling is a very brief sexual or romantic relationship with a guy who knows exactly what’s going on. During the first few weeks, it’s pretty easy to keep your emotions locked in. However, there are guys who are more skilled at playing than you, and these guys won’t stop at sex, they will do everything in their power to make you fall… and you do.
You find yourself hoping for the UNTHINKABLE… you suddenly want a committed relationship with this funny, smart and sexy guy who has captivated your heart.
Take a deep breath and think about how your relationship started. You might have forgotten about your little arrangement or the environment where you met him.
1. Did you meet your fling in a bar?
Didn’t you hear him say that he’s a ‘regular’ there and that every Saturday night, he’s there honing his craft, dishing one pick up line after another and meeting other women? Remember that he could be keeping a lot of female friends who he regularly sleeps or goes out with.
2. Saying “let’s see how this goes” does not denote exclusivity
The fact that he made an open ended arrangement with you means he isn’t ready to commit (OR, he’s already committed and can’t with you anymore). That he is smart, sexy and funny means he can get any girl to fling with him, like he got you… with that power at his disposal, can you blame him if for not wanting to commit to anyone yet?
3. Does he know your friends?
Speaking from experience: if he was introduced to you by one girl friend (who also happened to be a player), there’s a big chance that your friend also had a fling with him (read reminiscing jealousy). Talk to your friend and frankly ask if she did… then compare notes!
4. When he says “I think I’m falling…”
Guys, even those who are serial daters are human too. He could say that he’s falling for you, and it’s true. But, again, this does not mean that he wants to go exclusive.
The Rules of Engagement
1. A fling will inevitably end, but until then, you can enjoy it all you want (just be safe) and you can benefit a lot from it. Think of it as a romantic movie that you watched, or a very good trilogy that has reached its third installment (Fact: I am still in denial about The Matrix ending). This means that it won’t last and you’d better prepare for a heartbreak if you’re the type that falls easily.
2. He can still be your friend. Breaking up with a fling is tough, but these guys can be your best friends after you learn to accept their Game. He could also be the ultimate Fubu (F-buddy) or FWB (friends with benefits)… or simply a guy who will listen to your rants about other guys. You can still keep him, just not in a way that will stifle him.
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13 Responses to “Playing the Game of Love: How NOT to Fall in Love with a Fling”
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This reminds me a lot of my current situation… and this is worth considering. Anyway, my situation is a much more complicated situation but this could really help. It’s hard to forget a fling… specially if you haven’t been flirting for years… and the guy just meets up with your expectations…
And oh… Thanks btw for leaving a comment on my blog. I really appreciate it. ^___^
Tessa’s last blog post..Unaccomplished Tasks
Hi tessa. Hey you’re welcome. And thanks for visiting too.
A fling can be a lot more overwhelming than a drawn out relationship. First of all, you didnt stay long enough together to see each other’s faults and you never got to know any of the vices that he might have. A fling is perfect, because it stayed within the boundaries of fantasy.
Glad to be able to help.
I find that most relationships seem to start as flings and then evolve from there… if you go in with the idea of “not falling in love” then you’re putting up defense shields right from the start.
Although this can be beneficial (since most flings won’t end up in relationships), it might ultimately hinder the one that will.
Just a thought …
Chris Calo’s last blog post..5 Ways to Meet Women During Cold Winter Months
hi Chris!
Hmmmnnn… that’s a nice argument.
I think flings, when they want to “evolve” must start over.
Step back, be friends again, dont have sex at all and see where it goes…
The trick is to keep “outside pets”. Don’t let them in your house. Especially don’t feed them.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Recycled Toilet Story
Hi witchy
I agree! If you feed them and you try to tame them, they will still bite you when you’re not looking!
In my mind all sexual things that begin are long term but I find that I was naive and sheltered or soething. Certain guys like to have sex w/ you at 2am & not pay attention to what you like so much things like that. Well how can you like them when you find out their true nature?
I fell for a fling a while ago and he has charisma is intelligent quite disturbed but that never got i the way but it all became clearer to me and I stopped liking him for certain reasons. First his skills on the guiltar or his ability in bed might be amazing. Then you discover that he doesn’t like to wear protection and he likes to see other girls and in fact he had a girlfriend that he didn’t tell you about!! He was a regular at my job so I just thought he was a drunk maybe.
I avoided this guy b/c I realized I wasn’t the only woman. Now I hooked up w/ him recently b/c I didn’t want to be alone a certain night and I was already dressed up.
So we go out dancing and stuff . You know what he tells me afterwards that he hasn’t stopped thinking of me since the first time and gets off thinking of me all the time etc and that he has a g/f now. He is concerned about treating me badly.
But eversince he disappointed me I stopped giving a d*mn about him. He doesn’t know but I always think about someone else when I am with him like another guy I love but can’t be with. And he’s acting like he’s falling for me and he probably believes that I am. But I am so romantic I have discovered that during sex I can’t think of guys I don’t like even if they are the one having sex w/ me at the moment. He’s rather arrogant but then most men are getting attached to them is equivalent to failure. He only calls and leaves desperate messages b/c he knows that although I think he’s a cool intelligent person I’m not attached to him and I will never love him in that wonderful way. It really makes sense.
I can only love a guy who treats me well and acts like a fool for me.
i amkind of trap at this exact situation.i am so married, but then one extraordinary time,i met this guy at the beach, enjoying the holy week fever.. he totally caught my eye and its gotten me feeling awkward since i am married and thought things are going well between me and my husband.i just found myself so excited to see him again the next night and even made love with him. or should i say, sex! i felt happy yet guilty coz i never knew i can do it in the first place… i eventually found out that when he went back home to manila, i missed him terribly. and there are so many things that remind me of him. until now, i couldnt deny the fact that i so miss him and still imagine us together…i want to forget him for i know, its geeting nowhere. and he quitted on me. damn fling!!!!!!
HEY WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO…I AM MARRIED, YET INLOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHO IS NOT INLOVE WITH ME BECAUSE I AM MARRIED!!
Ynnah,
Hello, sis. Generally, men don’t want complications in relationships. He may be in love with you for all you know, but he might be thinking about the trouble your relationship will cause if he let it go that far.
Telling yourself what I said above is better for the emotions than the other ‘reality’: believing that he could have wanted just a fling and you were there… it didn’t even matter if you were married or not.
Don’t force yourself to forget if you can’t yet, but don’t make the mistake of letting your emotions run over your logic. Freeze your feelings for the guy for now if you cannot completely forget about him, so that they’re not getting in the way (between you and your husband) and you can always deal with them later (if you ever meet him again).
ruby´s last blog ..A Diva’s Guide to Successfully Starting A Home Business
Ive been seeing a man who is 13 yrs. older than me, he says he wants the friends with benefits relationship. No commitment or me to love him at all. I made the agreement with him, had sex the next day, and ever since then he has been totally different, in a good way. Told me to leave some things at his house, toothbrush, etc. Now teasing me about putting his clothes in my closet. I am so confused I could bust, if there’s anyone out there who could give me some advice I will sure take it.
Kathy
Hey Kathy,
Some men are less inhibited, boyish, playful and more loving when they know that a girl won’t put them inside a cage. This means he feels that he’s showing you what he’s really like and he’s not just doing the romantic things he does because he HAS to.
I’ve been commitment-phobic for so long, and this ‘open’ type relationship is just one way for people like me to ‘commit’ in the unorthodox sense.
well this guy just split with me and i want him back but dnt know how to i think i am in love any help?