Single Woman Seeks Single Man: The Truth About “You Complete Me”

One of my ramblings-turned-posts, which I wrote during 2005, struck a chord in someone who’s going through the exact same thing. Here’s a part of Sabrina’s comment on my post “Panic Mode: Still Single at Late 20s” which struck me the most.

“I don’t really talk to my anyone about this because I want to seem independent and strong, but I am really not. I would like a relationship, but I don’t want to be in one now since I do not want to be in a relationship for the “wrong reasons”. I need to be strong enough without a boyfriend…”

This post is for all single women who are in panic mode, like I was before I learned the truth about self love.

When the whole of single girldom watched Jerry Maguire years ago, everyone was able to relate to the phrase “You Complete Me”. It’s what we believe in… that there is someone in the world who holds a piece of us; and we become complete when we find that person. However, our mistakes in dating stem from the misconception that we can ONLY be whole when we are with another person.

The truth is that there is NO ONE else who will complete you but yourself.

Self love. Self esteem. Self worth. These are words that describe a phase in our lives when we do things for ourselves, and learn from the mistakes that we make. During the single life, you become whole. And you remain whole until you decide to give a piece of yourself to another person.

• Instead of “You complete me”, say this: “You complete me because you now have something of me that I personally handed to you.”

You must only enter a relationship when you have a clear idea of who you are and what you can do. Rushing inside a relationship when you are not “whole” yet will make you eternally dependent on another person to keep filling a void inside you that you didn’t suffuse yet with self love.

When you’re ready, break off a piece of you (the proverbial ‘heart’) and give it to someone who will take care of it. In this sense, you are telling this guy that you love him enough to share a part of yourself with him, even when you both know that you are well enough on your own, even without him.

Do not be that girl who clings desperately to a guy or a rut relationship just because she feels incomplete without a boyfriend.

• Fill your cup of self love to overflowing, and soon someone (everyone) will want to share that cup with you.

Guys have a way of telling women that they are ready to commit: their selection criteria change a bit. Sure they still want chemistry, sexual compatibility and such, but more than that… they look for women who can hold their own in any situation. Yes, men want strong women because they know that they cannot be strong all the time.

You can be all girly and emotional all you want (and cry buckets over a silly girl flick like Jerry Maguire, or this post) but your strength is in your core… that part of you that won’t fade even when all the skin care products in the world can no longer sustain the outer beauty.

Make yourself the prize that a man would want to win.