Why is Virginity a Big Deal Among Filipinos?
So… Let’s talk ‘purity’ now.
The main thing that alerted me to the fact that I think differently compared to some of my contemporaries was my view of virginity. I first read about it in my romance novels, and when I finally found an adult who didn’t freak out whenever I mentioned the V-word (I was 13 then), I asked two questions:
“Why does a man prefer his wife to be a virgin? And, what is the logic behind his wanting a virgin wife, but then cheat on her later with a woman who isn’t necessarily a virgin?”
Despite that my elder avoided answering the second question, she did tell me what I wanted to know. Men, particularly Filipino men, want their wives to be virgins because they want to be first in everything. virginity is a gift that a demure Filipina will reserve for her husband alone. It’s something precious and rare, and apparently a sacred thing to some.
Years later, the notion that a lot of men here still think that virginity is one requirement for marriage was reinforced when I heard my first maid sobbing in her room.
- Her: “My boyfriend feels responsible for this girl back home because he took her virginity.”
- Me: “If you knew he thinks that way, why didn’t you give yours to him then?”
- Her: “Because I am scared that if I give it to him and then he leaves me, I will mean nothing. No man will want me anymore.”
Yeah, it totally blew my mind.
So, my view of virginity’s importance to Filipino men now is this: some men would rather have inexperience (think ‘biting down’) rather than live with the thought that their girlfriend or wife had other lovers in the past. The amusing thing is, they don’t really adhere to the same rule themselves.
But as always, there are exceptions. Before posting this article, I asked the BF why Filipino men prefer virgins and this was how the conversation went:
- BF: Nope, Some pinoys would rather not date virgins.
- Me: Why not?
- BF: It’s another thing to emotionally blackmail a guy with. Like this, (*in a high pitched voice*) “I gave you everything, EVERYTHING, how could you do this to me? buhuhuhu.”
Hmm… it seems that men really get affected by that “how could you…” line eh? (evil)
:gg:
This’s post is part of the Blog Ring at HoneyandLance.com. Check out the other posts!
- Honey and Lance
- Beauty of the Year: Virgin Vendetta
- Effy: Why Wait? An Argument Against Saving Yourself
- Hot Alpha Female: Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby
- Evil Woobie: Why is Virginity a Big Deal Among Filipinos?
- Infinity: The More Touchy Part of Dating: Sex & Virgins
- Quest for T: Virginity: A Girl and a Mom’s perspective
- 20-40: The Value of Virginity
- 20-40: Losing Your V-Card, Big Deal or Big Whoop?
- Bobby Rio at TSB Magazine: Virgins for Sale
- Holly Hoffman: How my mom helped me lose my v-card
- The Modern Savage: The Dilemmas of Male Virgins
- Single Mom Seeking: Why I’m aspiring to be a virgin again
- I Date White: The Brotha Virgin
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37 Responses to “Why is Virginity a Big Deal Among Filipinos?”
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hehehe. I can’t relate.. nyok
Jehzeel Laurente’s last blog post..Super Tears of Joy
@jehz
I bet!
:gg:
Screw virginity. (pun intended)
Ade’s last blog post..Links for 2008-09-28 [del.icio.us]
@ade
yeah, i agree. screw it good.
One reason why Men like virgin wives is that men are insecure. They don’t like to be compared (Please refer to Penis Envy for detailed application) — and the thought of not coming at Par with a Past lover because he has not satisfied her like the past guy did, or maybe his tool is smaller than Past-guy, or whatever whatever — this irks a guy in every way. Imagine her saying “I had better” or Him asking “Did you enjoy it?” and she’d just go “No, okay lang ako — what’s important is you had fun” while she gives a look of missing someone from the Past.
Girls on the other hand *may* not have a problem with this — why? because men has an indicator of satisfication. Ejaculation. it’s proof that her guy enjoyed the show. So despite the number of women he’s had in his life — if he comes, she’s definitely great.
@dminotaur
Interesting spin on things there!
I’m all for the P envy. It’s really an issue for some men.
So if a guy doesnt cum it means the woman is a lousy lay?
What about if the guy has an issue with getting hard?
And, don’t get me started with guy virgins who pretend otherwise. I have refrained from talking about it up to now because I can write a whole thesis about these men who pretend to know all but are technically virgins in terms of pleasing women.
:pif:
It’s just a matter of views/opinions since as they said “different people have different needs”..
Marrying a virgin wife can be considered an added bonus (MAYBE since haven’t attempted to take a girl to the altar yet). But guess we are in the age of virginity doesn’t matter.
DerekG’s last blog post..Code Geass: Rebellion of Lelouch
@Derek
It’s a bonus because the V-thing is the icing. The girl is the cake.
In my point of view, unahan nalang yan eh. Nasa girl din naman kung magpapagalaw sha or hindi.
But to me, Mas magiging doble ang pagmamahal at trust ko sa isang virgin na girlfriend especially kapag tumagal na kayo ng ilang taon.. just wait until you get married.
I also agree dun sa sinabi ni Mr. Dminotaur about sa P-Envy thing or performance and satisfaction ni bed… minsan napapaisip ka talaga kung.. “Did i satisfy her ? ” or “Did i meet her metrics/standards ?”.
I may sound crazy.. pero yun ang opinion ko.
@dallas
I think the most direct way to ask if you satisfied her is “did you fake this time (Again)? HEH. kidding.
Performance is the measure. Each guy has his style, and each girl has her preference.
Lalo na sa probi-probinsya. Ika nga ng nanay ko, “huwag iyan, pagtatawanan ka ng mga tao.”
Lalo na kung medyo kilalang pamilya, pag-uusapan at pag-uusapan ang naging experience ng babaeng pinakasalan. Nasa norm na, lalo na matanda ang bumubuo ng populasyon. Wala eh ganoon na talaga. Mas mainam na lang na taga-ibang probinsya o lugar ang mapangasawa kahit may experience na, hindi naman nila kilala. Maliban na lang siguro kung may video scandal yung babae.
Manang woobie, siya nga pala, may error yata sa adsnse mo? Puro public service ads.
Mario’s last blog post..Balahibo ng Unggoy, Nakaipit sa Pahina ng THE WEB Philippines
@Mario
I hate mga bulung-bulungan sa province. I am from the provinces, he culture regarding virginity is very strict.
Heh. Bayaan mo lang yan. Ganyan talaga pag mashadong ‘hot’ ung topic ng post.
Believe me, virgins are boring. Pffft.
Ade’s last blog post..This Conversation Is A BUMmer.
uso pa ba yun ngayun?
I like the picture hehe
Journal of Journey’s last blog post..Google is now updating pagerank
its the way people buzz about it that made it becoma such a big deal.. fot the couple (well I can’t guarantee all of them) I don’t think this is a big deal.
but that’s what make us different, eastern culture which pay so much concern regarding what the society “thinks” against western that put up high self freedom.
Nich’s last blog post..Label Cloud for Blogger
Interesting topic.
I’d have to agree with a previous response from this blog that the whole virginity issue is more on a man’s trust issue. And the sad part about it is that when a man is a virgin that get made fun. Is it double standards .. ABSOLUTELY!! is it fair??? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! But that is reality..
My presonal opinion…. take this from a man that was married for 14 years. Sex is an important part of a marriage. I’m not talking about “making love”. I’m talking about down right , let’s get dirty, sweaty . hot sex” Sex is not everything but a big thing in a relationship. Everyone wants a good lay and more importantly somoeone that is sexually compatible. If you’ve ever had bad sex then you know exactly what i’m talking about. That’s why women “fake it”. It’s bad enough that you take a risk if a relationship/marriage is gonna work out, then you just raise the odds when you have a wife or a husband that is a virgin who has no idea what needs to be done or what you want done.
Bottom line… I prefer someone that’s not a virgin… but then again… i would hesitate with someone with a big resume hahahahahaha. Peace!!!!!
Safe Sex everyone!!!!
Rick
Interesting cultural perspective. It’s not like that here in California. But I appreciate learning about other cultures.
My take is to get laid before marriage. Sex is an important part of any relationship, and it’s best to be good at sex and know what you like before you commit as a couple.
dadshouse’s last blog post..Virginity? It’s So Overrated
@journalofjourney
yeah uso pa! kakatuwa nga e.
@Nich
What sets Asian culture apart from others is the misplaced concept of ’shame’. Though I cannot promise that I won’t teach the same things to my son, I know i won’t be overdoing it when it comes to virginity
@RIck
Congrats on your successful married life! IMO, marriage is IT, and you really have to make sure that you and your partner click in all aspects, sex particularly. Thanks for the input!
@dadshouse
being first sometimes makes guys feel they have one-upped everyone else. Like it’s a race or something. The machismo side of this cultural quirk among FIlipinos is based on the “hah, i got there first!” notion. Thanks for dropping by!
sempre kopong kopong case of double standards and hypocrisy. good thing we are on the 21st century.
Ganito lang yan, kung ikaw si boyfriend at may girlfriend ka ngayon at hindi na sya virgin nung nagkakilala kayo, ang sasabhin ng boyfriend, yeah, boring ang virgins.
on the other hand, si boyfriend, “Proud ako kasi virgin sya.”
lol. labo.
harhar.
@buraot
lol. Madami pa din ganyan kuya. Sobra.
@Anon
So you’re saying guys take a stand on virginity depending on their GF’s “Vcard Status”? Hmmm…… interesting pov there. Thanks!
Wow. Its really interesting to read about other cultures views of sex. Its even better to know that the same standards uphold across the big blue sea.
beautyoftheyear’s last blog post..The List is Getting Longer and Longer…. Fuckin’ A!
@Beauty
Yeah, apparently the hymen barrage is global
You don’t have to go too far to find these same attitudes alive and well in any country. In US for example they are running a Bush endorsed campaign called True Love Waits – I’m sure you’ve heard of it. (Just another reason to hate Bush.) I don’t live in the US, but even in a country known for easy women there are still men who would prefer their women virgins. (Tough luck, hard to find!!)
In addition to insecurity, in (sub)cultures where abortion or birth control is not allowed, it’s fairly understandable not to accept pre marital sex, as there might be a baby born just a tad too early… – question of the father may arise.
What I call this is a religious sex fantasy. Nothing really to do with reality, but so glorified that you actually do think that IT WILL BE FANTASTIC the first time but will never reach the same heights again. I actually heard a religious guy explain to me, that sex will be fabulous the first time (with a virgin) and it will slowly decline every time after that. Slightly amusing, really, if it wasn’t so sad.
Don’t know if I added anything, but anyhoo.
Sebastyne’s last blog post..Knowing you…
@Sebastyne
Whoa, that is the first time I heard of religious sex fantasy. Thanks for sharing that. The notion that a virgin girl is so rare nowadays creates the seeming need to wait. It’s a domino effect actually. Waiting means not getting tempted, not getting tempted means getting rid of temptation. And temptation is… porn, the internet, promiscous chatting, etc.
If they want to “cure” society of promiscuity, they have to start somewhere. But the chances of doing so is slim to none.
I agree with what others have said as far as guys wanting to sleep with a virgin because they’re insecure about how they stack up to other guys, skill-wise, but this way the girl has no one to compare them to.
What they’re failing to take into consideration is that the first time ALWAYS sucks, so they’re actually jumping on a sword because it’s definitely not going to be good for the girl. I didn’t realize how bad it was until later relationships, but I didn’t have a single moment of actual sexual satisfaction with my first, and we dated over a year.
Honey’s last blog post..Lance De-Virginizing Service