On Mama’s Boys and Girlfriend Survival
By
There are men who will compare you to girls they have had relationships with, girls who you think couldn’t hold a candle to your brilliance, beauty and wit. But now and then you will meet a lovable, gentle, boyish man who will compare you to a woman who seems the paragon of everything a woman should be… his mom!
I have always had a built-in ‘mama’s boy’ detector and it goes off whenever a guy mentions his mom in the middle of a casual conversation. I’ve never understood mama’s boys and how they function. However, now that I have a son of my own, I am beginning to understand what makes these mama’s boys the way they are… from a mom’s perspective.
“Good job, son! You really ARE number one… give mommy a kiss now…”
“Uh, no. No more playing today and it’s time to take a nap. No Buts!!!”
“Son, you know I’ll always be here for you.”
“See, this is what happens when you don’t listen to mommy.”
“Mommy knows best, you should always do as I say ok?”
How to Survive a Relationship with a Mama’s Boy
1. Don’t Fight It. Instead of resenting him, take it as a compliment that one factor that attracted him to you is your resemblance to his mom, attitude-wise or in physical appearance. This doesn’t mean that you have to suck up to his mom if you don’t feel like befriending a prickly cactus, but give her due respect. She will always be number one, and she knows it. Your job is to work with her and keep quiet when she meddles, AND do things your way when she’s not around.
2. Observe how he is around her. His affection meter is clearly visible around his mom. You can almost see it going up and down. See how a small encouragement has a big effect on him? See how he gets inspired with a few suggestions? These things can go inside your think tank for use later on. After all, you get to know a person through his actions and relationships with you and other people.
The “Drama” Factor
Working with a guy’s ego (and letting your own drama die down for the moment) is something that hooks him, and your seemingly servile attitude at the onset makes him feel like he can get away with anything. When you’ve caught his attention and he drops his guard (translation: “hey, this girl lets me be me! Cool!”), and falls for it, that’s when you … sink your claws.
Hence the proverbial notion that “women are deceptive”. Well, you know what, we have to be, because some men continue to be self-serving j3rks if we let them.
Show him that you mean business. There’s a time for playing games, for enjoying life and for having fun, but when it comes to planning for your future, make him realize that you won’t take any useless diversion on his part.
As mommy would put it, “I won’t take your BS. I know what you’re about. Now, work with my simple rules and you can have as much ice cream as you want later.”
Some Unproven Theories About Mama’s Boys
I’ve asked a few guys about what they think are the ’symptoms’ of mama’s boys, and here are some of the things they told me.
- Mama’s boys will always be able to tolerate nagging, no matter how many times they complain about it. They grew up in that environment and subconciously, they thrive in it.
- Mama’s boys are more attracted to boobies in girls than booties.
- Mama’s boys love to be petted and sang to when they feel sleepy.
Err…. so, what do you think?
13 Comments
September 16th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
My daughter has been dating a momma’s boy for the past 3-4 years but she’s known him since they were twelve. (She’s 28 now) His mother lives 6 blocks away and he talks to her several times a day. He does nothing without consulting her first. She guilted him into not accepting a huge job opportunity because he would have to move out of state. She is in her early 40’s and is quite the Amazon. His father left them when he was very young and his mother never dated or remarried afterwards. He is the man in her life. This causes great problems in their relationship. Trust me, there are Momma’s Boy and then there are MOMMA’s BOYS.
September 16th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
@Preston
Hi! Thanks for sharing this. I don’t know how some moms do not know their boundaries and even the proper time to let go. Actually, I might have the same dilemma, but it’s early yet. My son’s still just a toddler.
September 16th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
good thing I’m not a Mama’s boy.. nyok
hehehe
Jehzeel Laurente’s last blog post..Why Batang Yagit Should Win the Bloggers’ Choice Award?
September 16th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
@jehz?
are you sure? heh
September 17th, 2008 at 1:19 am
I have always forewarned my sons not to ever compare me with their girlfriends (future or current) because it is unfair to the girl. She may have her ways, she has a mother too you know, I said.
Plus, it will be difficult find a woman as sacrificing and as intelligent, and as pretty, and cooks well, etc., etc. (Joke):-)
Cheers to all Mamas Boys!:-)
lotusflower’s last blog post..Vacation is the end game
September 17th, 2008 at 10:13 am
@lotusflower
Kudos, sis! and yes I agree that a mom is a son’s superlady.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:01 am
very interesting article especially the last bit…what would the opposite of the momy boy be?
joe gelb’s last blog post..some poetic thoughts on life : great non link bait title minus the word lb
September 22nd, 2008 at 11:36 am
Hello to you,
If you find the time, check out my blog. I can guess you may have a couple, but what can I do? There’s more:-)
Thanks.
lotusflower’s last blog post..A Perfect Blend of Friendship, and Kind Blogger Awards
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:16 pm
hi lotus, i surely will!
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:37 am
Wow, thanks for posting this article. I do like your tips for working within the system of a momma’s boy’s obsession with mom. And I think some of your theories are right. I’m seeing a guy who exhibits two of those behaviors (boob obsession and a demand to be petted before sleep).
However, I do see a problem with the article. How many women will be able to accept playing second fiddle for the duration of a marriage, if the relationship should come to that? A spouse should come first, no matter what your gender or mommy/daddy orientation is. They loved and lived their lives. An adult child should be interested in doing the same. If not, there is something seriously wrong with him.
October 23rd, 2008 at 7:08 am
@Jenny
I agree that a spouse should come first, and ideally, above all else. However, if ill feelings between mom in law arise, it’s still the woman’s prerogative if she wants to live with the stress or not.
The man has to be open to what his spouse feels and… for lack of a better way of saying it… grow up once and for all.
Thanks for the input!
November 15th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Hello, my name is Lulu Taylor and I recently wrote a book, called: Stop the Mama’s Boys, which will be coming out on http://www.stopthemamasboys.com on November 18th. I am responding to Woobie’s article…I have to say I disagree with point 1. Don’t fight it…
To me it is inconceivable that any wife or partner would accept being “number two” to her husband. While the role of a mother should be honored and respected, the natural process of evolution is to leave your family of origin to focus on your family of pro-creation. When sons date or marry, the roles between mother and son shift…the boundaries shift…when the boundaries become blurred..that’s when conflicts arise.
…”keep quiet when she meddles?”…the mother should not be meddling as her son’s choices with his wife are between them…however he wants to raise his child, live his life..these are decisions that are made between a husband and wife unit. The role of a mother, as I understand it, is to be selfless…Woobie..these types of mothers are ’selfish’…. Rather than keep quiet around the mother-in-law..the husband and wife unit MUST DEFINE THEIR BOUNDARIES to the mother..it is not respectful to the wife to have to endure the stress quietly…it is just not right…
I would welcome to discuss this issue more with you as I’ve not only had numerous life experiences with it..but have done sooo much research for the preparation of my website launch…
Looking forward to your comments and thanks for discussing this issue…I enjoy reading other people’s points of views!
Lulu
November 19th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Ms. Taylor,
I work for a tv show and we would like to get a hold of you- can you please email me back with your contact info.