Love Issues: Is Unconditional Love Really Unconditional?

A lot have been said about expectations in a relationship; how couples build these expectations; turn them into obligations; and ultimately, weave these expectations into the noose that will eventually kill the relationship. Today we will talk about where these expectations come from and how to be upfront about your intentions (i.e. what you want out of the relationship) at the very onset.

Listen to Rent’s “I’ll Cover You” song while you read this post. It’s what I’ve been listening to while writing this.

Unconditional Love: What it Really Means

It’s ironic how the theory behind the term ‘unconditional love’ is exactly what drives people to splitsville. In a perfect world, everything’s free. But sadly, the real world is far from perfect. Promises of “I will love you regardless” aren’t accurate, but like everything else that is said during courtship (the persuasion phase), this one will warm the heart with its promise of forever.

Expectations are born out of the promise of “unconditional” loving and there is a catch to any relationship that we agree to be a part of; the best we can do is be aware of what these things are and decide at once if we can live with them.

Consider the following scenarios

1. A Guy could say “I have always been a playboy, but now you are the only woman in my life.”

What he’s really saying: Deal with my attraction to other women and to variety in general, which means you will have to turn a blind eye every once in a while if I still look and fantasize. It’s just looking, anyway.

If a girl intends to keep him, her response could be: I won’t turn drama queen if you LOOK, but if you sleep with anyone, and I will find out eventually… it’s so over.”

2. A Girl could say “Always be there for me, and I will always be here for you.”

What she’s really saying: “You need to reply to my text even if I just talk about what I’ve been doing all day, and not doing so could mean you’re ignoring me. Also, you have to always include me in your activities, even if it’s just a phone call or a message to inform me where I can reach you if I need you.”

What you could tell her. “As long as you allow me some weekends off (without you in tow) with a few friends, and understand that if I don’t call or text back sometimes, it means I could be doing something of equal importance, like my job.”

There are unspoken rules to every relationship, and fact is, if you say your “I do” to the officiating priest or judge, you are also saying you agree to the unspoken things. The idea is to compromise.

If it takes too much of your effort and emotions to keep on “unconditionally” loving a person, your discomfort will show sooner or later… that’s when the road to splitsville begins.

It takes time to get to know someone and really understand what he or she is all about, but those who have the patience will reap the fruits of a lasting relationship.