First Date How To: Transition From Online Dating
Claire asked an interesting question on my You’ve Got Mail post. She asked, “It always seems so easy to be sassy and flirty on line but the thought of translating it all into real life is mighty scary. any tips on making the transition easier - and safer?”
Keeping it Real
Online dating can be a B~, particularly if you haven’t been keepin’ it real. But the fact is, if you live online most of the time, you will have to start being real some time with the people you interact with regularly. Consistency is a delicate thing over the internet, and the basis of a person’s credibility.
Point: If you are flirty and sassy online with someone, but you KNOW that you aren’t really as flirty/sassy offline… and you don’t intend to ever meet up with that person… you are fairly safe. But as friendships go, you will feel the urge to meet up with a chat mate in the future and be friends for real. Face-to-face real.
What you can do to make the online-offline transition smoother
- Come up with a disclaimer before your meet up - A line like “I may talk like this online, but off chat, I’m really a shy person” may get you far in terms of being ’safe’ on your first date.
- Do focus on your personality, not on your looks - A general idea of how you look is enough, and most people send each other photos anyway. It’s better to say “I laugh a lot” or “I love cheesy jokes” than “You know Jennifer Aniston? Well, she looks like me.”
Rule of thumb when discussing The Physical: Downplay your assets and the other person will discover them faster. If you’ve been highlighting your assets from the start, he will unconciously be looking for flaws. Much like a book story will always be more vivid than its movie version, a person’s mental image will always be more grand than reality.
Checklist Before the Offline Meetup
1. Review past chats and take note of the promises that you gave in the past (while you were being flirty and sassy) and decide whether to pretend not to remember them or ignore the fact that he wants you to remember them. Or, own up to the promises and keep ‘em.
2. Choose a descriptive outfit. Describing your outfit accurately is a lot better than asking your friend to look for the “long haired girl with a Venti Frapuccino”
3. Emotions check. Could you already be in love with this person? Are you expecting too much from this meet up? Be honest with your feelings before they run amok during your date.
After the First Real Date…
Scenario One: You still chat but less frequently (compared to the previous year of daily conversation), and mostly just hi and hello. The date could have been the first and last, and it’s time to move on. If you followed number 3 above and did a reality check on your feelings, you should be ok with the fact that maybe the other person didn’t share whatever feelings you might have been keeping.
Scenario Two: He insists on phone calls rather than chat, he sends emails rather than wait for you to show up on chat, he sends flowers and gifts on your birthday. Voila! That’s it… he’s into you for real. The only question is… are you into him too?
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Thanks for the tips evilwobie. Honestly, most of my friends are into online dating and texting. Maybe I can give your tips to them as their guide when they meet their online friends.
I never tried doing online dating and never considering in the future but I really appreciate your tips a lot. In case someone asked me the same question, I can direct the, to this post.
youronlineguide’s last blog post..Reliable Online Casinos For Online Gamers
hey, woobie! :) back in college, millions of years ago, i used to do a lot of chatting. but i was, as now, a shy wallflower when it comes to guys, so every time someone ever tried to meet me, i’d always make excuses not to go. i had a pen friend from Canada who i wrote to for a couple of years, but i panicked when he wanted to fly in an meet me. I eventually did, and let’s just say things turned out less than stellar - on my side anyway. that’s about the summary of my experience on on-line dating.
since i’m in a country where i don’t know anyone and could also use more friends to travel with or go out with or whatever, i’m considering reviving my on-line life. :P it’s a bit scarier here because meet-ups can’t have the usual built-in fail safes of friend rescues and what have you, so i’m still thinking about it. what can i say, i’m chicken! hahaha. which is why i’m glad i have sassy friends like you who egg me on. one of these days… ;)
thanks for the tips! :) in have a livejournal, but i’ve forgotten my password from lack of use. i’ll let you know once i’ve found it!
dr_clairebear’s last blog post..Discovering “A Fine Frenzy”
@youronlineguide
thanks sis! It’s really enjoyable to meet people online, but the offline meet up is the tricky part. I guess we all have to change with the times. Now is the techie age and we can always consider our online interactions as blind dates right?
@claire
Oh you definitely should! Heh, friend rescues are cool, yeah, but you’re gonna have to come up with your own self-saves sometime. My self-save has always been complaints of a queasy tummy, which is mostly true anyway, particularly when the date is not going as well as I expected. Should I call that “figuratively queasy tummy”?
As to being chicken… you can always remember that your date could be chicken too, but he took the plunge because he really wants to meet you. Dude, you are a wonderful catch, and everyone you meet knows it. I guess you just have to realize it too, huh?
Keep me posted!
he called me on the phone, and i think i scared him off. hahaha. :) oh well, next time!
dr_clairebear’s last blog post..Discovering “A Fine Frenzy”
hi, woobie! have you read the book “he just not that into you”? put your two cents in naman in my blog! :)
dr_clairebear’s last blog post..Feeding the Cynic
Nice tips..! Well, I will always remember these tips.
First date for women can be very, very intimidating! What if he is not what I am looking for?What if he looks different then on the picture from online dating service?What if he is just playing games, and just trying to get it on with me?Even though, we met online through the online dating service, and had a really nice conversation via e-mail, and IM; still meeting someone for the first time is nerve-racking!All these are legitimate concerns,