Changes and Mixed Emotions

Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what’s to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn’t have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves… for growing up.

- from ‘The Wonder Years’

Mood for the day: mixed. First things first, Blog Changes
Together with the massive changes going on in my personal life, I decided to extend the ‘new life’ to this blog. I’m changing hosts, contemplating changing themes, and maybe if I am feeling creative, designing my own Logo Design, using an advertiser’s software. Excuse the amateurish aura of my FIRST attempt. The software is wonderful, the creative limitation is solely mine.

Perhaps the second and more important thing that I have to talk about is why I quit my day job after almost a decade? I sent in my resignation letter via mail, but tonight I talked to the boss face to face. It was painful, gut wrenching and my heart broke, literally. I was this ->| |<- close to crumbling and taking back my announcement to leave. I took the long commute home to clear my head, but my bus seatmate noticed I was crying. I’m such a cry baby when my Evil Woobie persona isn’t around (and she never appears when I really need to be tough).

All the efforts I put into small businesses, further education and others, came second to my job. I loved it, lived it and slept with my work for years, until I realized that I’m not happy anymore. I’m an aging geek in denial, and it’s time…. it’s just time.

And, I’m scared shitless. My day job was my security blanket. Every 5 minutes now, I think “what am i doing?”, but then I go back to why I am taking this big risk… change and my pursuit for self love. Now, I have to muster every ounce of courage I have to face a new way of living. Maybe if I do what I do every time I need to motivate myself, I’ll be able to tackle this freelancing thing nicely. Meditate. Deeply.

Or, I could always look up the head hunter who calls every year for the past 6 years just to ask if I left my job already. Maybe. Wish me luck!