Wicked Wedding Wishes from the Cosmic Universe
June is Bride season! I am sure you’ve attended weddings before and have seen bridesmaids and mostly women gather around the cake towards the end of the reception. Have you ever wondered why this ritual is repeated every time?
It’s for the wishes.
In the Wedding world, these wishes come inside Chinese fortune cookies or attached to ribbons on the wedding cake. Some tell the eager bridesmaids that they’re the next bride, some just generally wish the hopeful girl well-being and a happy love life. One must wonder who writes these things, eh?
The photo herein shows custom fortune cookies from beaucoup.com (min. order of of 36)
Well, if you must know, it used to be my job. My folks throw wedding parties for people. While my sister was getting lessons on how to arrange food on plates, and my brother getting trained to do deliveries, I was left alone to stay home and man the phone lines while writing out hundreds of pages of these wedding wishes on parchment paper. I tried to cheat once by photocopying the ones I have already written, but the special paper we use for these don’t work well with photocopy machines (and we didn’t have computers then).
One particular day during school break, a big wedding was getting assembled and they needed wedding wishes pronto. The problem was, I was extremely hung over from a night of partying so my well-wishing power wasn’t at its best. I sat there trying to be creative while my mom spewed venom about how I should have done it yesterday and not just wait til the last hour before they really need it… etc…
While a part of my mind slept, one part of my consciousness was awake and thinking up wicked things to write on the parchment. I think this was the exact moment the Evil Woobie (my dark side) was born.
The words flowed from the cosmic universe, to my mind, to the parchment. But instead of the usual cheerful “Congratulations, you are the next bride!“, I wrote the following:
- Your next boyfriend will have Mel Gibson’s butt and Brad Pitt’s eyes.
- Play your cards right tonight at the wedding dance and you could be the next bride.
- Can you guess who else besides the newly weds will be honeymooning tonight?
- and some others… :
I didn’t get to rest after writing the wishes as I was asked to supervise the food distribution. Funny, I was actually looking forward to seeing the bridesmaids’ reaction to my wishes.
The bridesmaid shrieked and laughed and exchanged wishes when the reception was over and the wish-ritual was on. I was particularly amused at the one who got “You are much too hot to stay single forever, as you planned” (she was reading it out loud to her friends). She’s a 40-something single girl, and was pretty sure she would be spending her lifetime alone. Evil Woobie’s message gave her hope.
The reviews were wonderful, my mom’s happy, I was forgiven for being a procrastinating daughter-employee and the couple’s family even promised to let us handle all their future events!
… and the Evil Woobie was grinning maliciously.