The Real Relationship Killer

You’re doing great together. A fun life, well-cared for children, healthy bickering, and comfortable living. What force on earth can destroy such a happy partnership? What to look out for? There are outside forces that come in like thieves in the night to destroy everything that we worked for.

Some of us have addictive behaviors. We may resent people noticing and will never admit it even to ourselves, but it’s undeniably there. It doesn’t mean that people with addictive problems don’t excel. On the contrary, most do. It depends on what they’re addicted to… some are addicted to work, success and making money.

Substance addiction will directly cause the loss of all the good things in a relationship. Being alert to the tell-tale signs and acting fast are just some of the things we can do to prevent it from destroying our lives. However, this is easier said than done, because the success of your efforts entirely depends on how willing the other person is to move away from his addiction.

Intuition plays a big role in finding out that a partner is getting progressively addicted to drugs. Behavioral changes, vague explanations, and resentment of talking about the subject are all symptoms. When found out, most drug addicts will never admit to being addicted. In fact, they will take measures to prevent you from ever thinking of their addiction as a threat to your relationship.

Watch out for these lines: “I’m a user but not an addict”, “it helps me relax”, “it’s just a hobby”

My heart sank when I learned that a high school sweetheart is a “user” (his word). When we were teen-dating during high school, his disposition was the definition of fun and gentleness. I looked out for him all throughout college, and went into a panic when I learned about his drug problem. He went to my dorm bringing his parents’ television set, asking me to lend him money in exchange for my using his TV. It’s never easy when someone you love goes under the influence of something so hungry that the victim (and those who care for him) can do nothing.

I did a backstab on that guy and he never found out it was me. I reported him anonymously to his parents and the police. He went to rehab screaming his lungs out that he’s not an addict. He called me a year later asking if I could accompany him to a car race as his cheerleader or muse. He was clean then, but addicted to racing. I went with him there bringing homemade pompoms.

Ambrosia Treatment Center commissioned this space for me to spread the message that Substance Abuse is treatable if you catch it early. Kill the relationship killer before it kills your relationship.