A Time Space Warp to My Awakening
I just had to pause working to post this.
A girl who is 9 years my junior and living near my province chatted with me to tell me that she’s going to kill herself because her boyfriend left her just a few weeks after they first made love. I asked why, and she said she can no longer be with another guy because she’s damaged. I instantly thought that maybe she’s pregnant, and I asked “are you going to keep the baby?”. She wasn’t pregnant, she said, only that she knows that no one will want her anymore because she already lost her virginity to the guy.
Given my liberated point of view, I know I could have told her to get a grip as soon as she said that, but I didn’t. Instead, I felt stricken and shocked. I found myself getting sucked in by a memory hole and suddenly, I was 18 again, standing faced down and crying in front of my boyfriend then. My first…
- He just grabbed me by the arm and shook me. It was the semestral break and I was home. Some of my friends beeped to inform me that they’re having fun in their sembreak travels, and my boyfriend caught me calling on a pay phone outside the restaurant to beep back. My boyfriend then was insanely jealous of anyone who talked to me, guy or girl. He reminded me again that I was his, and that “no man in his right mind will ever want a girl who gave herself up to a guy already”. I should abide by his rules, which included no outside contact with anyone else while we were together.
- That night, I talked to my dad and asked why he abhorred my boyfriend so much. I had other suitors who were delinquent in school and got involved with drugs, but he was cordial to those guys. How come my boyfriend then, who was the epitome of a future bank manager or corporate lawyer, pissed my dad off so much that he (my dad) cannot even bring himself to say hello when my boyfriend visits? My dad said, “because he is a cruel guy.” How he found that out just by looking, I will never know.
That’s when I first explored the concept that maybe losing virginity to a guy doesn’t mean a girl has to live with that same guy forever if he did not deserve the honor. That maybe a girl has a choice, after all.
That’s when years of Catholic dogma brainwashing about premarital sex and ostracizing Mary Magdalene crumbled like sand in my mind. I realized that maybe the single mothers who walked to the grocery head up and proud of their choices did not deserve the pitying looks that others are giving them. Maybe they in fact knew then what I know now…
… that a woman’s choices are her own and no man can demean her just because of her emotional weakness. My mind just opened up and I felt strangely free.
I heard a buzz on my PC and I realized that my eyes were shut. My friend wanted to know what she should do. I typed this next line slowly:
“Tell him to go f*ck himself, and you… you look in the mirror and think about what’s great about you.”
…
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6 Responses to “A Time Space Warp to My Awakening”
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I think amen.
I don’t know if this kind of thing is still prevalent in your culture, but it’s mostly dead here. For all the young girls who imagine themselves in love, I am thankful about that.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Crazy Ole Turds
@witchy
This kind of thing is alive and kicking over here. It’s really a chore to be always on the defensive, so I don’t bother. But a lot of girls are still struggling with the community of snots who think they’re better than others because those others are “sinners”
virginity is over rated. I got rid of mine long time ago.
hey, it was mine, did with it what I wanted to.
Hi ya, I followed a link from Witchypoo’s site to yours.
warriorwoman’s last blog post..stuff about me
@Warriorwoman
Thanks for the visit, Warrior woman. You know how some people are crucified for killing others? Sometimes a community’s culture can do that to a girl who made the ‘mistake’, but not a guy, in fact he is celebrated because it means he’s growing up. It’s unjust and yeah, virginity is overrated.
i wouldn’t go so far as saying virginity is overrated, but i do hate that people can be so judgmental. especially nga here. im a single mom, but thank God not one of my relatives or closest friends did that to me.
what im so bothered about, is your friend’s reaction towards the supposed judgment. i hope she realizes women are worth more than that.
@ris
sis it’s just the culture in the provinces, people are more Chrurch-oriented, and the community is so small that everyone knows what’s going on, rumors are rampant and the humiliation of getting smirks from others is too much.
Women’s lib is uhm low to nonexistent