Long Distance Relationships – How They Could Work

Maintaining a relationship is easier for LDR (long distance relationship) couples who started out being afar from each other then uniting later, than LDR couples who were together for a long time prior to being separated by physical distance. I am going to address the latter situation as it is the more delicate.

Distance, for all the pain it brings, is still just a word we use to describe logistics. Couples split because of it as they can no longer do the things that they used to when they were physically together. We cite ‘trust’ as the factor that will keep the LDR relationship alive, but there are several angles to this factor that must be considered.

Unspoken rules are present in LDR. But most couples fail to delineate these at the onset because of the thought that bringing them up might give the other the idea of committing transgressions that they might otherwise not do if the topic was never brought up.

1. Both partners should remain faithful and should not sleep with other people while they’re apart.

Sex is a need, and we crave it like we do food or rest. However, unlike food or sleep, it can be substituted with something else. Partners who can no longer be intimate physically can still express their emotions through other media. The internet and phone calls play a very important role in helping both parties keep the resolution of never doing the deed with someone else.

The problems arise when couples don’t agree on the terms of ‘faithfulness’. Could a devoted husband or wife be allowed to view porn and have a hot chat with other people without being penalized for being unfaithful? It all depends on how the other person sees it, and how well he or she expresses the ‘rules’ regarding these to the other. But the main things to consider include the outlet for this craving, and how lax both parties are willing to be so that the other will not suddenly snap and give in to the first sign of temptation.

2. Respect for the Other’s Time

That the couple doesn’t keep the same time zone anymore should be the first thing to be considered when making the demand of ‘Call me now because I miss you.’ The other person could be doing something else, and the pressure of reassuring the other that he will always be there for her could be intermingled with the pressures of work or dealing with immediate things (like being on the bus or subway at the moment).

Determine what time is the best for calls, and create a schedule of calls or chat when both are relaxed and eager to share their experiences. Demands for immediate connection should be reserved for emergencies.

Making time. Being too busy and too rapt at the new environment should also not be an excuse for never calling the other person who’s needing attention. Saying ‘it would have been a lot better if you were here to share this view’ goes a long way in making the other person feel important. Extra efforts at being emotionally available are needed in LDR, and the incredibly cheesy things that one might never have thought of saying, now become the best things to say to a person who is thousands of miles away.

My resources for giving out constructive advice on love, sex, dating and relationships:

• Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship
• He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (The Newly Expanded Edition)
• If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?: Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever
• Understanding Women: The Definitive Guide to Meeting, Dating and Dumping, if Necessary

The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene is the best book discussing the game of love, what aspects of relationships the efforts should be concentrated on and when to make your move. This has helped me a lot in my advice giving and my own personal relationships. I know it will help you too.

———————————————————————————-

Find friends according to location and race of preference:
Filipinos – Asians – German – Latino – French – Chinese – India – Italian – Jewish – Korean
Find friends according to hobbies, interests and age:
Seniors (40 yo++) – Fitness Minded – Success Driven – Food and Dining Enthusiasts