Ladies, I Can Be the Guy You Settle For
Ladies,
- Tired of making those pesky commitments to a man, only to find one that’s much more handsome, articulate and loaded?
- Feel the need to change your mind incessantly about what you want from a significant other?
- Do you just not feel quite ready for a full-fledged relationship but want to have someone around just in case things get dicey? Then step right up, buttercup! I’ll saddle your emotional burden for you!
Everyone has that one person that they dated, fooled around with or merely lied to to get in their respective pants. You know, the person you look back upon and say ,” Damn, I did some foul stuff to that guy/girl.” Well, now if you act fast, I can provide you with a service to alleviate all of that negativity in one fell swoop! Here is a small sampling of the services I bring to the table:
- 24 hour call center. This is a very general service, including but not limited to: calling me up in tears because the other boys you are dating are making you stressed, the two to four times a month when you go out drinking and call me late at night to tell me you want to marry me then forget the whole thing the next day, calling to make sure I am at home while you are on your way out on a date and the bi-monthly random wig-out.
- Ego stroking. Pretty much self-explanatory, you feel down, I’ll make sure to spoon with you, hold your hair as you vomit from too many girly drinks after a night out without me, tell you you’re pretty all the time, all so you can have that extra bit of confidence to go and talk to that hunky guy you’ve had your eye on down at the gym.
- Emotional bomb squad. Now this is where I truly shine above the rest. Invite me over, have wild passionate sex with me, then tell me you don’t want to talk to me for a few days and that,” Oh yeah, I’ve been sleeping with my landlord to pay rent.” No problem! I will discretely and without inflicting further emotional trauma tell you I love you, give you a hug and leave 50 bucks on your dresser for your next night out er, I mean to help pay the rent. ( amount left on dresser open to negotiation )
These premium services are available upon request:
- Meeting your parents and telling them we’re just friends so that they won’t be disappointed.
- Helping you move. Helping you move into a new boyfriend’s apartment is for platinum subscribers only.
- Hanging out with your shallow, maladjusted, mainstream-oriented friends. Doing so in a cheesy club or bar is again for platinum accounts only.
- Taking you back time and time again, even though we both know it’s only until anything else comes along, and that it’s only so that you can feel better in the interim.
In short, you have lots of things on your mind (maybe). Why get yourself all confused with feelings of regret? Let me help you release all that party girl lifestyle in a comforting, positive environment. Get it all out now, so that you can move on to a heathy, constructive relationship right after you “dump” me. Let me be your practice boyfriend. Please, try my product.
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Woobie’s note: My guest for this post is Monkeychapps. In his own words, he is “just a hopeless romantic that has been burnt too many times and write as a form of therapy.” If he in any way made you smile, kindly subscribe to his feed. Or take him up on his offer.
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2. Secrets to Conversation With Girls (For Guys) (For Guys)
3. Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back NOW (For Girls)
4. “The REAL Secret Of Reconciling with Your Partner” (For Couples)
5. Use the Power of Astrology to Figure Out Your Boyfriend (For Girls)
6. 10 Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know (For Girls)
17 Responses to “Ladies, I Can Be the Guy You Settle For”
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This is so awesome! I’m so stumbling it!
witchypoo’s last blog post..Getting Lemons, Selling Lemonade
fanks mate i found it on stumble today
I am so subscribing to Monkeychapps!!! You all should, too.
I think this a good way to get attention and great for a single guy with hopeful issues..and woman also who like the un-expected….
It’s just funny how he doesnt seem to consider his feelings as factors in his offer.
awesome! 24 hours continuous stumbles …
There are plenty of guys who will do that for girls: they’re called best friends.
You know, the ones that are always pining for you, but who you will always and forever consider “only a friend.” 
@linc
yeah, best friend guy… then you regret not appreciating him when he finds someone who will finally love him. Then you think that “you love him after all” … without pausing to analyse if it’s just your pride talking (and would rather have him as your loyal fan/doormat, than watch him be the same thing to another girl).
HAHA. the game of love.
Why does it have to be a game?? Why?? WHY???? *sobs*
because there are winners and losers, linc.
Ah, I have been there so many times, always with the same girl, and always dealing with the horrendous mind fuck that comes with it, time and time again. I’m not that guy anymore. I had to really sort myself out and tell myself that things were never going to change unless I changed them for the better. Like any abusive relationship (and relationships like this are abusive; you find yourself thinking that it’s your right, you’re entitled to this woman, you’re entitled to physical reciprocation of all of your efforts, which any way you dice it is a fucked up way to think; it’s a relationship not a transaction), you just have to leave. Oddly enough, I’m now great friends with this woman again; Proper friends, not that messed up pseudo relationship masquerading as friendship. It’s strong, healthy, vibrant, it allows me a greater understanding of the female mind, and I can say is totally 100% healthy. And hey, I only had to move two hundred miles away from her and not speak to her for two years to get it!
http://kalmartheband.blogspot.com – Check it out if you want blunt and tactless honesty about what women are really like.
Jools’s last blog post..Long goodbyes
@Jools
Thanks for sharing that. I also survived a ‘messed up pseudo relationship’ and the guy was very bitter about it. Those who know the story could probably tell you a couple of versions, his and mine.
Mine’s written here: http://tinyurl.com/2davob
It’s Jessica’s Bloody Valentines contest, and I won third place.
Hey it goes both ways! I agree with Jools, if its not good, do what you must to get out and over it. I moved 2 states away when my ex went to work. Not good not good. He found me 5 years later when he showed up on my door step begging me to marry him. Can you say restraint warrent?! I have 3 of them out on my ex’s. When they figured out I WAS the best they would ever have and I was done with all their crap and drama, they all wanted me back. go figure. You want what you cant have. GET OVER IT!!! Love your self more than them fools!
@Tammie
Some guys just don’t learn. They must think only of themselves only too, because they don’t get why a girl went away in the first place. Stupid guys must learn that they can’t just burn someone and still be friends with her.
Glad to see that I elicited so much discourse.
Monkee’s last blog post..Shameless self-promotion Saturday
@Monkee
This post has triggered a series of firsts for me: first 2-3k uniques in a day, first bandwidth limit exceed…. and first hate mail.
It’s funny that you even paid me in credits to post this here, it should’ve been the other way around. XD
Hope I sent you enough traffic too in return.
Feel free to post any of my posts as long as I get a link.
Monkee’s last blog post..Disabilities? No uber-abilities! part 3