Single Life Quirks: Solo Clubbing
By woobie
There you are one Saturday night, bored stiff and watching Friends reruns on your DVD player. You scroll through your phone book eager to know what your friends are up to. Apparently, the love bug is in the air and all your friends have been infested. You get tired of hearing “i have other plans with my new boyfriend” and being forced to say “have fun, you guys” (because what else is there to say?).
Taking a deep breath, you decide to strike out alone. They can all go cuddle and be warm with their boyfriends for all you care, but you refuse to sulk alone in your apartment just because your friends have deserted you. Before you go, however, heed the following tips that the evil Woobie compiled after years of being occasionally ditched by girl friends who remorselessly show symptoms of “chronic B.F.F. amnesia” when they’re in love.
1. Set Your Objectives for the Night. – You are out to socialize and you are definitely not on the prowl. Boy watching may be something you like to do with your friends, but when solo clubbing, this habit could backfire and plunge you into a sticky situation you don’t want to be in. Keep your thoughts friendly, and your actions non-committal. Remember, when you think it, they will sense it. (Also, see Newbie tip to Clubbing for Fun)
2. Imaginary friends – If you play your solo flight adventure right, this could be the only white lie you tell people the whole night. Practice answering the “are-you-alone” question in front of the mirror and say the “my-friends-will-be-right-over-in-a-few-minutes” response like you mean it. This could throw off the more malicious ones and encourage the friendlier ones to keep you company until your friends arrive.
3. Get Your Drink From the Waitress – People may offer to buy you a drink, but you must be the first one to touch the drink when it arrives. Also, never leave your drink unattended. When you really need to the ladies’ room, you must bring the drink with you. Or, buy a new one.
4. Gut feelings and Nursing a drink – Meeting new people and socializing could make anyone giddy with fun! However, there is nothing tackier than a drunk solo clubber who gets in the way of others’ fun. Nurse a drink… hold it in your hand and sip a bit at a time until the glass feels warm. Keeping a clear head throughout the night will make you confident enough to trust your gut instincts about the overall intentions of the people you interact with.
5. Stay Positive and Friendly – In club situations, people are always watching and observing other people. Sometimes, the aloof ones can be detected at a glance. The more friendly and open you are to conversation, the more people will gravitate towards you to chat. Keep everything light and don’t mind the corny ice breakers. Circulate around the party, and navigate your way to finding new friends.
There you go. Browse these tips, digest them a bit and you’re all set! Then tomorrow, when your friends call to tell you about their wonderful dates, you can excitedly tell them about the party you attended with some new friends.

















10 Comments
January 23rd, 2008 at 4:52 am
galing! you really should write a column somewhere…
January 23rd, 2008 at 5:38 am
@ris
thanks sis. Never really thought my near-disastrous misadventures in the past could be of help to others. I’m glad I lived to tell all.
January 24th, 2008 at 5:11 am
I could use some o these Tips myself!
Back to the Drawing Board!!
;))
BillyWarhol’s last blog post..Does God Live Here? Mount Umunhum
January 24th, 2008 at 5:20 am
@billy
Goodluck!
January 25th, 2008 at 7:08 am
Well written … a very entertaining read, a lot of it is very familiar to me, both back in Australia and here in Japan.
Neil Duckett’s last blog post..Mount Fuji On A Clear Day
January 25th, 2008 at 7:57 am
@neil
thanks Neil, that means a lot.
January 29th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Great advice. The only thing I’d add is “Don’t drive drunk. Call a cab.”
Mike’s last blog post..This is the one with a good religious argument.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
@Mike
thanks for the additional tip mike!
July 17th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Solo clubbing is the best way to hook up one-nighters, because then you don’t have to worry about what your friends will think of you.
-Solo Clubber
soloclubber.com
July 17th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
@soloclubber
and they will be so envious after, too. Nice input. Thanks!