A lot have been written about boyfriends beating their girlfriends, or husbands their wives. The expert opinion would probably point to psychological instability or even psychosis. Admittedly, some men have such mental disorders which make them unable to comprehend the gravity of their actions or even control them. Some, but not all. There are cases of physical abuse in women that involve men with relatively normal psychological make-up. What makes these regular guys lash out?

The answer is simple: provocation.

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Chivalry is not dead, as shown by the men who offer their seats to women in buses, trains and in public crowded settings. Most parents have taught their sons to respect girls, treat them well and pay homage as they would to their mothers or sisters. They were told to control their emotions when facing hysterical girls, and not to hurt women.

Media propagated the culture of guys letting girls slap them for trivial reasons (such as being late for dates or for being fresh), and girls abusing the priviledge of being the damsels in distress by lashing out at men who they deemed did them wrong. Does being the “weaker sex” give this women the right to hurt guys and not expect a retaliation? No. When you get down to the basics of interpersonal respect, women and men are simply people who have the same feelings, and potential for retribution.

I have been approached by girls who share a wealth of sob-stories about how their boyfriends hurt them during fights. The reason for the fight being the womanizing habits of the guy in question. I always ask them this question first before giving constructive advice: Did you slap him or hurt him physically at any time when you learned that he was cheating on you? Most of the time, the answer is yes. A person’s first instinct when hurt is to seek revenge, to scream and rant, and to hurt back.

Girls who physically hurt their boyfriends are most likely to be the battered ones, compared to those who use diplomacy all throughout an emotional encounter. While an inbred sense of gentleness towards women lives in the hearts of most men, the human urge to retaliate is stronger.

It all comes down to respect. Do not hurt someone if you don’t want to get hurt.

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